Inside the chrysalis

Wowzers, this energy is no joke!  From the newly awakened opening to more than this 3D reality to the deep energetic changes taking place for those warriors who volunteered to go first.  This energy is intensely moving, creating, transforming, and rebalancing.  My physical body is chemically altering while my psyche and energetic body shift through a metamorphosis.  It literally feels like the butterfly as the complete DNA sequence changes and rewrites itself transforming from a caterpillar to a butterfly.

A recent meditation showed the chrysalises of moths in hidden rooms of my tattered heart each birthing and flying free a few at a time.  And now a mass of them has birthed and is ready to fly free.  Through this transformation, I am reminded it does not have to appear any specific way, and the judgment of that plays a large piece and role here.  I focus on allowing.  Letting go of the resistance and standing in pure love and compassion of the self. 

I resist when it comes to pain.  The pain I feel when I experience the choices of others directed toward me that are veiled in fear and misinformation.  I have to remind myself it is okay to feel hurt; it doesn’t make me weak.  Allowing my feelings and emotions is what makes me strong; the latter is a programmed idea.  Their journey of these others has nothing to do with me, it is theirs alone.  How I respond is the key to my journey, my state of being determines everything.  It is okay to feel disappointment, it is okay to feel sadness.  These emotions do not make me weak; I feel sad; I am not sadness. It is my projection into the world and perceptions that need attention and restraint.

Allowing myself to feel and know it is all okay while going into my heart and loving myself remain the messages.  The meditations these last few weeks have told a story.  A story where exploration of emotions has comes front and center.  This space of awareness is where we are this week.  As I allow myself to feel and explore my feelings with acceptance, the fire enters and burns them away.  In this way, water becomes part of the air which then falls to the ground to grow and anchor the change. I am piloting an adventure, leading a journey into transformation.  One of my best traits is my bravery; I stand firm and brave in the face of this metamorphosis.

The last two nights have shown meditations around DNA, a spiral of a many stranded code that extends from deep in the earth far into the sky.  A crystal city resides in the center.  I am walking through a valley between two mountain ranges toward the blue, green, gold, and silver magnificent display.  The light and energy coming from this spiral are so intense I can feel it from miles away.  As I get closer, my body replicates the same DNA signature as the energy from the earth to the sky and the crystal city residing within.  I am going through a metamorphosis that is changing the chemical structure of my body entirely and the world surrounding me is a reflection of those changes. 

Everything is shifting.  Like a birth, I choose to breathe into it and stop resisting.  I stand in the love that I know I AM regardless of what others outside of me say they see or speak.  I recognize their perception is theirs alone and again, has NOTHING to do with me.  When I stop being so hard on myself the need to measure up releases entirely, I feel that ever so slight shift that opens the door to more of who I am. 

Today’s meditation thus far, because these last few days have allowed me to choose to go deep, shows me at a campfire in the night of the grand canyon.  I am alone surrounded, with the tall layers of earth that have been ground out by the waters of emotion. I see the tall beautiful cliffs surrounding me except for one opening with a short path out into the open green field.  I see many faces as huge shadows on the walls of the canyon around me.  They are detailed, male and female of all ages and ethnicities.  They are me, the many incarnations and experiences of this adventure in the realm.  They are here to impart their pieces of the puzzle, to release old wounds and to participate in the acceptance by allowing and assisting with the final release of resistance.  They are here to answer my questions.  Each resides within my heart and is an essential piece of my experience and expansion.  They are preparing me for the transformation.  They are a part of the rewriting of my DNA just like the butterfly in its chrysalis.  I am being reborn anew.

The exploration and allowing, releasing all fear, and breathing into the pain as I enable it to pass through me for its final integration and transmutation into love. The breath takes me closer to my final form.  The control I have here is to choose to love myself.  That is the only choice I can make.  The alternative would be to resist and slow the progress.  As the first wave that volunteered to captain a ship, I stand firm in the choice.  I know what is on the other side of this transformation.  All the sweat, blood and tears, LOTS of tears, is worth it.  See you on the other side.

The observer creates

Yesterday my father proclaimed yet once again that there are three truths: his truth, my truth, and the real truth.  THE TRUTH IS, there is no truth.  Everything about this reality requires an observer, and when something is observed, it is filtered through many layers of psyche and soul experience.  Truth is in constant flux and perceptual evolution. 

Except for the mathematical scientific facts, which can be replicated over and over, proving to be deductive, the experience of life itself is inductive.  It can never be shown to be one way ALL the time considering all possibilities.  That is the beauty of the journey here in this realm and, most likely, the reason we have such a propensity for growth here.  We have infinite possibilities being perceived through more than 7.5 billion unique lenses that are in constant flux. 

My father continues this attempt to prove the bible is not correct and that God is not what his experience and perception of Christianity would have us believe.  EVERY time we speak, he goes to this place, getting worked up explaining to me why none of what he learned is true.  He argues his case, and I recognize it because I do it. A friend recently told me I sound like an attorney, really it’s mediation, and I will explain why in a minute, but so please bear with me.  When my father asks what I believe, after my explanation of who and what I know we are, he returns to his cycle of attempting to prove his truth with his old ideas. These beliefs and experiences had a place once, but his perception of these things is not accurate now and no longer has a place in his current experience.  We both have learned abuse under the veil of Christianity and the perceptions of those wielding it as a weapon of control.  But why does he feel the need to continue to prove something that he already knows the answer to in his heart?  Enter the battle between our parts and pieces.

Back to me, sounding like an attorney arguing my case.  It was in mediation, a battle between my mind and heart, seeking the resolution and compromise that both could agree to and settle.  When we let go of the pain that surrounds the experiences of these beliefs, it is much easier to find that balance.  We are making room for new possibilities when let go of the old ideas. We have to let go of the energy surrounding the olf beliefs; it keeps us trapped. This letting go of the old energy is something so easy that we make so tricky.  It is time to let go of the past, to forgive and release with love the ideas and experiences that keep us in this constant dialog of proving a “truth” that no longer exists. 

I have said, “you do not hear the words I say, and I do not hear the words you say,” it is our definition through experiences with words that create the meaning.  Some words are just culturally accepted and schemas created.  But others hold many meanings and can take us places beyond what the intention of the word was.  A few months ago, I asked someone if they “escaped” something. They did not hear “my meaning” of the word.  They heard “their meaning” of the word.  For me, escape is not negative; it stands for strength and knowing.  I have seen this person struggle with this word since I said it.  I watch as she is finding her way to the balance between her heart and mind while letting go of the old energy that word holds for her. 

There are things we communicate, that means something different for us than they mean for others.  I often struggle in this area; I have discovered many of the words I use when explaining or describing things hold a different meaning for me than they do for others.  So when I speak, I find others carried away by the energy of their perceptions of these words.  The meanings these words trigger causes a great deal of miscommunication.  In the past, I felt I was not responsible for clarifying, and maybe I am not always meant to provide clarity.  Like my friend with the word escape, it was something that triggered her and allowed her to look deeper creating that mediation allowing for a balance between her heart and mind.  The mind does not want to let go of the wound, the ego is such a piece that has protected us, but those forms of protection are no longer suitable in some areas.  We are safe, and it is time to allow the heart it’s full and rightful place in our reality.  The mediation is a return to the knowledge of the heart.

For my father, he will have to heal and let go of what he already knows is not true for him.  It doesn’t matter if it is anyone else’s truth.  He does not need to convince anyone else to go along with his truth.  He can accept it as his own and release the pain carried through those old beliefs that were filtered through fear.  This choice will finally allow his heart to step forward.  In this way, he will begin to live a new reality as his energy shifts.  When he realizes he doesn’t need the validation of others, allows the love and trust in himself, EVERYTHING will change.  How do I know?  Because I did it! My experiences and perceptions are unique to me, and while no, you won’t experience exactly what I do; there is a general formula that continues to prove itself a truth.  By changing your beliefs, it changes your energy; the result is a change in your reality.  It has been proven true by the laws of energy and conservation; we have only placed it useful with energies outside of us but we are an open system and it applies on many more levels.  However, energy is energy.  Deductive and inductive, a change will happen, the possibilities endless.  I can only prove what I have experienced through my perception.

All we require is open awareness; we are the observers creating the “truth,” and it is always evolving.  As my dearest friend says, slow or fast, we are always moving forward.  Whether I accept the knowing of my heart and mediate the balance with my mind or not, I still am moving forward and evolving; perception is everything. If my father remains in this dance with his mind and the approval of others or not, it is always perfect. However, there is a choice when we are an aware observer.  It is our belief that creates the observation.  Let’s change our beliefs to change the world.  So, if you are seeking the “truth,” you will have to be okay with what is true for you in this now, perception is everything.  Allowing each of us the space to experience our truth through our unique perspective is the vehicle of this journey in evolution, we are creating it all. 

The lens that changes the world

The lens with which we view the world are neurological and learned.  We can observe things through a veil of illusion based on many things.  The key is awareness.  The experience within the realm is one of balance between the elemental being we have partnered with and our spirit being.  The balance is within the mind, the heart, and the ego while living in harmony and loving each piece and part of us with gratitude. An awareness will arise when you are ready, recognizing how we view the experience filtered by our state of being.  To know this and making a choice to work through the filter allows a new experience, one perceived through a new energy.  This energy doesn’t focus on what is wrong; it focuses on what is right.

I had an experience where someone told me I should be ashamed of myself because I was wounded and needed to apologize because of my wounds.  I have seen and experienced my wounds used as a weapon against me from birth. From the moment I entered this reality, I began the gift of this experience.  However, I did not always operate from this space. Just as I learned to view my world from a space of deficit, I can choose to see it from somewhere else entirely. Instead of choosing to focus on the pain, I can concentrate on my original beauty it all its forms.

I have had glimpses of experience without this filter.  I know what it feels like and how my perception of reality shifts; it is a blissful experience. I know this feeling is what it feels like to be in the natural undistorted frequency of me, I am in alignment and in a flow of energy that is in perfect synchronicity with the multidimensional universe.  When I am not in this space, I continuously find myself seeking how to get back there.  As if I am not already there.  I also forget my knowing in those moments.  In my seeking, I think, maybe if I talk to this person, they will give me the answer, or if I go on this fast, or try this new meditation, I will experience that feeling of being in perfect alignment.  It was always an attempt as I viewed myself from a deficit.  The physical manifestation is always a reflection of my internal turmoil.  And even that is perfect.  Because to determine what I prefer, sometimes I need to experience what I do not.

My experience is different than yours; I’d go as far as to say we are each within our individual realities.  I hear something different than what you say, and you hear something other than what I say based on this filter. For me, it is more often than not, a concentration on the negative. It is also an immature thought process. Many of us are just beginning to move beyond this as we evolve.  I can see and am experiencing the shift in perception as we move out of this darkness into the light.  But what I am also learning is we have viewed the darkness through that same filter of discrimination and stereotype.  We do not understand its necessity and have compared it to something it is not.  Both the dark and light are necessary. They are both beautiful and unique frequencies.  It is always our judgment and comparisons as observers that shapes things and our experiences of each energy.  It is the filter that does not allow us to break free and love that part of us that requires it the most. 

I used to feel as though my chameleon nature was negative.  That being a chameleon meant I was not strong or grounded in who I was, that I was, again, less than in some way.  But a great friend reminded me that this is my superpower.  Perhaps it is our filtered view of things that has us view these things from this almost constant negative perspective.  What if “my wounds” that someone told me I should be ashamed of are my greatest tools?  They are the building blocks of my superpowers! What if I am exactly as I am meant TO BE!

No longer operating from a deficit or viewing everything from a fear-based negative perspective, changes everything.  The belief that we are not enough or need to do this one thing to be who we are supposed to be is the illusion.  We are already perfect and amazing.  The things that happen do not matter, the frequency we hold, our state of being is what determines our reality.  When we stand in the knowledge of the truth of who we are, that we are each unique and special, honoring and loving each piece of our being, we are creating that alignment that feels so good.  When we choose things that are good for us, that support us, we create more of that.

I believed that I had to be able to live in chaos without feeling pulled into it; that is how I would make the change I wished to see in the world.  If I could hold my own vibration high amongst all of the hate and distortion, I was achieving something that took me closer to who I was.  Truth be told that belief was undoubtedly an illusion resulting in a lack of self-care and the belief that I was something I am not. It was based on the perceptions of others and through that validation, I felt whole.  That was also part of the illusion. Choosing to be in relationships and situations that provide love, nurturing, and support are what I need and now what I choose.  I believed I could use my love to break through the walls of those who operated out of fear.  Again, I learned that it wasn’t my job.  My job was to love myself and breakthrough my walls by recognizing the illusion and making a new choice.  It isn’t about my changing or assisting anyone else; it is about changing me.  Nurturing and loving me.

So, I ask you because I had to ask myself, what is your filter?  A change in focus and celebration of your love and beauty while operating from the perfection that you are something to consider.  I could see the beauty and awesomeness in everyone else but when it came to me, I continued to see through a veil of distortion.  Are you trying to create in everyone else what you need to recognize in yourself?  As we learn to love our selves without condition or judgment, we begin to reflect that out into the reality around us.  A match in frequency occurs and experience of that love is felt through others as well.  But it all starts with us. 

These changes we are going through allow us to see into ourselves wholly and completely.  We allude ourselves by believing we are not already whole and perfect.  We focus on the perceived belief of lack, and that is what we experience. As I stand firm and honor myself, I ask you to do the same.  This is how we make the changes to experience a world we prefer.  Today love yourself and then love yourself some more! THAT is exactly how we create more love in the world resulting in the changes we wish to see.

Captain’s log

Captain’s log, February 12th, 2020, each time I sit to write this blog, I find it is about the stories we create in our mind.  Each reflection is on the science and personal experience that continues to reaffirm we are creating it all.  Yesterday’s blog, February 11, was about playing a new record.  Recognizing that as adults, we continue to use old coping mechanisms we learned as children that no longer serve us.  That each of us has a different record playing, and if we go within and ask ourselves how we feel, while recognizing it is only the experiences of others that allow for their choices, we can change that record we had playing.  With new beliefs come new realities.

There are unlimited possibilities; each lies within the choice of your next now moment.  There is no them against us or us against them.  It is no one’s fault; each of us is only working with the information we have available to us.  Like computers, we have been coded through experience and the capability of the brain to process the data.  The Buddha said, “With our mind, we create the world.”   It is the sense of lack and our insecurities that division arises.  These beliefs and false perceptions are where we create distortion.  These beliefs create the illusion, the illusion of separation and with this illusion of separation, we create the defenses that we believe will keep us safe.  The ego is only doing what it was designed for, to keep us safe when we were not capable of doing it consciously ourselves.  But we no longer need the childlike tactics the ego uses.  They once served us but no longer do.  It is time to tell the ego that we love her and appreciate that she kept us safe, but we will take it from here.

It is in the discovery of ourselves, learning compassion for ourselves, and to truly love us, that we find the love and compassion for others.  We can understand them because we know and see the same things in ourselves.  We extend the compassion we have for ourselves to others.  We can change the record we have playing, by taking a step inside and allowing the awareness of ourselves to take us deeper.  In understanding our feelings, where they stemmed from, or if they still have a place in our current reality, we can make a new choice, one that is in the energy of love of self.  Not self-love in an egoic sense, but self-love in knowing who you are with the compassion you deserve.  In doing so, we see this reflected in the world around us, and we view everyone with the compassion we all deserve.

Once we begin to observe the world from this space, we experience the shifts in our reality.  Remember, with the mind; we create the world.  Where can you look deeper, or shift your perspective to allow for a change that begins to create the reality you prefer?  Are you hearing things and seeing things through an old filter that keeps you locked into your current reality?  The interactions we have with the world around us, with our relationships, people and our environment allow us to observe the record playing in our minds.  For the longest time, I viewed the world through a lens of post-traumatic stress disorder; I felt as though I was always under attack.  My experiences have wired my mind to create this constant perception.  But it was up to me alone to change this.  With the experience of self-exploration, I removed this lens and created a new reality through my updated beliefs and what I was willing to agree too.

The main thread I have exposed through my conscious exploration was a thread of unworthiness or not-enough-ness.  The truth was I did not know who I was; I had learned to become the chameleon to survive by making those around me happy.  The second I began to explore myself further and shift my energy around people-pleasing; my relationships changed in turn.  Those who were previously a match to those old beliefs fell away and new people and things showed up as a match to my new beliefs and agreements.  I was able to solve real problems in my environment by understanding those around me and showing compassion.  Without judgment but with compassion, I recognized the choices and behaviors of others.  Armed with this new information, I could make positive choices that showed the individuals what their beliefs were creating.  With this new information, new decisions were made, and my and those involved realities changed yet again.  Together we faced the energies and beliefs that were triggering us, without judgment but with compassion, and decided there was another way.

Perhaps it is time to let the old beliefs and survival tactics fall away and try something new.  In this game of realities controlled by the mind, you are player 1.  Let your relationships show you about you.  By loving, honoring, and trusting yourself, you will allow the same for others.  This energy will ripple out into the world surrounding you.  Today, play the game with new tools.  Play it consciously aware and with love.  We once were only trying to survive, but now the time is here to thrive!  It is all in a choice.

Hey DJ, let’s spin that new record!

Wow, I did not want to get out of bed TODAY!  I am both excited about the all of my expansion through the many epiphanies and available choices but also exhausted by all this energy.  Can you feel the quantum energy?  It is allowing us to explore all the pieces of reality.  Allowing us to see that it is us; it is ALL happening in our mind.  Our responses determine the next creation and each moment we have the choice. 

The energy is allowing us to see into ourselves if we choose too.  In this way, we take our power back as we determine what our immediate reality will look like in our now moment.  All those times when someone said something that “made” us feel something.  Yeah, that was a memory and learned response.  While those responses used to serve us in our old reality, they no longer do.  It is time to thank them and choose to replace these past responses with something new.

Recognize this is about you; it is ALL about you.  Everything else is the illusion.  No one makes you feel anything.  You allow it, and it isn’t someone outside of you; it is you.  You embrace the old energy that you used as a survival tool to make it through to the next moment.  This old choice was when you allowed the reality outside of yourself to have power over you; we didn’t know any better.  It was an unconscious choice and one that became neurologically wired into the brain.  But now, as we evolve, all of us is beginning to be exposed, we recognize the choice.  We are aware we have agreed to it all along and are ready for a new experience.

The next time you feel ANYTHING that you do not desire.  Look deeper into yourself.  Recognize what you are feeling and track it back to where this feeling began.  Understand that while yes, this feeling was valid then, you have a choice now.  Maybe it is time to retire the decision we make that allows that old record to play again and again.  It is time to put on a new record.  One that is about just how loveable and amazing you are! Let that be your new record!  Play it over and over until that becomes the new record that gets wired into our brain.  Awareness of this as the new choice that serves who you are today holds the key. 

If someone disrespects you, stand up for yourself.  Hold your space with love for you both. Do not allow yourself to feel less than, as those old wounds are touched once more.  And if someone comes to you and says, “I don’t mean to start anything but…so and so said this and so and so did that.”  They ARE starting something, attempting to trigger your old responses. This tactic is where they get their power; that is how they feel important because somewhere along the way, they felt like they were not. This is what plays in their mind and is a learned survival mechanism.  We are ALL doing it.  It isn’t ANYONE’s fault.  Allow these situations to show you how it is ALL IN YOUR MIND.  You might not have realized it but we have been playing grade school games.  It is time to grow up and mature. By leaving the programs that served us well behind, we make room for something new.  Tear down the old beliefs and embrace the truth.  We are each unique, entirely lovable, and always enough.  We are the gods we have been waiting for, take your power back. 

No longer that helpless child.  We have grown up, and we are responsible for making the choices now.  We do not need to survive merely.  It is our new choice to thrive.  It is all happening in your mind.  YOU ARE THE DJ!  What record will you play today?   

The agreement

This last week has been about checking in with myself, seeing, understanding, and becoming consciously aware of my agreements.  Everything we experience is a choice; our reaction is the choice and the energy that sets up the next experience.  It is in our response to the experience that creates the reality, our choices are energy, and this reality operates as such.  What we agree to allow into our bodies or what we agree to allow ourselves to participate in, to feel or not, or to accept or not are all a choice.  For me, because I abandoned myself and became the chameleon, because I had learned to see all perspectives to create a pleasing of others as a survival mechanism, choosing what I agree to have proven quite difficult.  This journey that took a significant shift on Christmas day has been about discovering who I am and learning to love that.

As a child, when my authenticity conflicted with my surroundings, I learn to detach from my true self as a means of survival.  I quickly learned it was dangerous to be me, and I must adapt to survive in this world. These last ten years have been about discovering and reattaching to my authenticity.  Experience after experience shows me more about who I am and how being in my authenticity really looks and feels. 

I recently found myself in this place between worlds.  One foot in the old reality where I say, “I can live with this” and another in a new reality where I am living my bliss, where there is no settling, where love is just common sense.  This space carries emotional maturity and clear, loving communication amongst all its inhabitants.  Currently, I am in between, sometimes vacillating between the two.  As I make new agreements and face my fears, the emotions that I had shoved down for a lifetime possibly more come to the surface to be reconciled.  I wrestled with allowing myself to feel; I learned that expressing my feelings were dangerous.  I learned that to be me, meant suffering.  Even as recently as this last summer, when I allowed myself to explore and I trusted to share my experience and my feelings, I was again betrayed by the judgment of others and their attempts to shame me so they could feel better about themselves.  I see the continued effort to create a reality, one where they have the illusion of safety.  But my authentic self will not allow this agreement of pain that continues to generate fear any longer.  So, I open to share and bond once more.

For the last five years, my health and my body have moved towards a direction I’d like to say I did not agree to- but that is not the case.  I did make these agreements when I continued to put things into my body, even when my body told me no more.  When my body showed me a balanced relationship with the elemental self, I chose to drown her in wheat and grains, even when she responded with headaches and other allergy symptoms.  I ignored her because I needed to feel safe at the moment, and the hormones released provided an immediate sense of calm.  In relationships, I continued to put myself in stressful situations that did not resonate, but I made this choice validating the illusion it was for the sake of others and put them above my own needs. I learned to be safe; I MUST give to others; I must make THEM happy. To be valuable, I must fulfill the needs of others.  I had become the ultimate living martyr.  I remained in groups and participated in programs because the fear of abandonment and my need to belong rang louder than my authenticity.  These are all agreements.

When I choose something else, creating new agreements, I see my new reality in the making and get a little taste of my life there.  As I take my power back, I begin to spend more time in the new reality and less time in the old.  Occasionally, I find myself stuck in the middle deciding what I will and will not agree to in this now.  I am learning to let go of this old world I used to call home and relax into matching by choice to the new.

As my anger and feelings of helplessness express themselves, I can look more in-depth than I ever have.  I understand the deep pain of many lifetimes.  I see it as it pulses beneath the surface like an infected wound that has exposed itself ready to be cleaned so it may finally heal.  I allow myself to feel, because until now, expressing my feelings led to judgment, betrayal, and abandonment. My fear of those things has kept me paralyzed and detached from my authenticity.  Today, I allow myself to feel without shame, blame, or guilt.  I validate my feelings and caress them, constantly reminding myself it is okay to feel even if it is a negative feeling. I have discovered what I dislike, so I may recognize and choose what I do prefer. No longer having a fear of rejection or a need to survive because I am now an adult, I embrace my authenticity and let go of what no longer serves me.  I have found me.  Welcome to the human experience Charolette.  Your experiences here are based on your agreements.  Agree to love you, no matter what it looks like, and who supports it. You are always SAFE!

The Arcturians, we have gone galactic

Wow, have things gotten FUN!  This Quantum New Moon and the Aquarian energy have allowed us to go galactic! This energy is opening the door to see the many expressions of who you are and how we create in this reality.  Your state of being on the inside dictates your experiences on the outside in “this” simulation.  In other realms, we do not share a space with another being; in this realm, we inhabit an elemental being which is the physical body. In our beliefs, this elemental responds and we must learn to exist in balance.  While I can say we are all source beings, there is much more happening than meets the eye.  This simulation is very multidimensional in its dynamic layers of experience. Perspective is always the key.  What appears from one perspective creates the paradox of another.  We can appear to be alone physically but are never alone, someone is just outside of our frequency, and this is an example of perspective as a paradox.  My story and recent pieces of the puzzle have finally come together for what may seem out there to some, but for me, it is just Saturday. 

First, let me start with a little history.  I am pure love and compassion.  Over the last couple of years, I have had to learn boundaries and protection through experience.  I always assumed everyone else was this same love and compassion and desired to live from this space by removing all veils of illusion. I am not sure if other people do not love everyone; I know I always do.  Even the worst of the worst and those who have hurt me deeply.  There is nothing in me that changes when it comes to love.  I may have a few moments of disappointment or even anger but the love is always there.  Each and EVERYONE of us is worthy of love.  It is our belief that we are not worthy that creates the suffering and in response a sharing of it with others through the veil of our pain.  I have NEVER made ANY choice that was not based on love. If you are reading this and believe it to be otherwise, it is a projection of your wound not mine.  That being said, I did grapple with understanding why I loved so deeply and without conditions, I felt like there was something “wrong” with me.  It turns out it is what is right with me, and one of the reasons I volunteered to play here on earth. My children show me when they are crabby or miserable; they reflect that onto me.  I never question who I am or my intentions with them.  My experiences with others when it comes to sharing my way of expression through love and compassion is no different.  Their reflections were affecting me and I was beginning to question myself.  However, through this, I learned to have boundaries and protection.  NOT to allow others to project onto me, in turn, I learned to TRUST, HONOR, and LOVE myself thoroughly.  How do I know for sure?  My recent explorations finally revealed a truth I have been chasing for years.

When I was a child around five years of age until about twelve years old, I was visited and taken by someone sometimes weekly, sometimes a few times a year.  The being who took me was always slightly out of full view; I could see its face, which reminded me of something wearing a Zoro mask.  I was never afraid, but I remember being agitated and frustrated.  This Zoro masked being, and a few others were doing something with my biology and I recall it having something to do with my DNA, it reminded me of skin, run, and rerun, and this repeated experience made me irritated.  My feelings were always this feeling like I was performing something and they were grading me during this process.  There was something they or I was perfecting, and it needed to measure up. My frustration and irritation with the process were all I could feel and focus on at that time.  The first time I saw a picture of a grey alien, it all came together.  I only saw the eyes, which looked like a mask.  I always knew these particular greys, the ones who came for me, where biological suits if you will.  They were a biological/mechanical hybrid vehicle capable of entering this space of reality to “do work.”  And they were here to make sure I was assimilating and integrating into my physical body on earth the way I was meant to during my time within this particular body.  “I” am actually having many lifetimes during this lifetime, it is complicated and like I have said dynamic.  I will save the details of this story for another day but I mention it because I must discuss how I came to finally put the pieces together leading up to the New Moon. 

I have been an avid meditator for many years.  I began consciously meditating when I was eighteen years old.  When I say meditation, I should probably say astral travel, but I start from a state of meditation.  It was the astral travel part that made me feel like I was “doing” meditation “wrong.”  I could not just clear my mind and stay that way, the second I reached that state, off I went to “other” places.  Not thoughts, not the monkey mind, but I traveled and saw things I had no previous reference.  It took me letting go and releasing the mind and her complexity to find the simplicity of it all.  This journey brought me to past life regression and life between life journeying.  In my journey into my past life regressions, I discovered how time and my soul essence worked.  There is a piece of me experiencing several lives at the same time.  Not here in 2020 on this timeline but spread throughout many times running concurrently with my experience.  After exploring my past lives, I was taken to my life between life to experience beyond the veil of this reality.  Except when I left my body, I went back to a ship, not the “other” side.  While I was able to get to the other side to explore how this reality works, and so much about frequencies, I was to make a point to find out why I went to a ship first. 

In this exploration, I discovered everything is realms connected to realms, creations and creations; there was no “escape hatch.”  It was in this experience that I finally understood we are all the source expressing and experiencing itself in many ways, not just here on earth in this realm but infinite realms and experiences through many different frequencies of expression and experience.  At first, I got depressed; for about a year, I wondered what the point was.  My perspective was one based on fear; once I chose something else, my perspective shifted and the simulation opened up for me to experience from a new perspective.  One where I would journey to discover who I was beyond just being source experiencing itself.  Again I had to learn to let go of the complexity and relax into simplicity.  I learned to let go of the identities I had taken on here in this incarnation and returned to my essence.  At the same time, I would not play into the idea of ascended masters or any other beings outside of me; I knew never to give my power away.  I viewed them as me and they are representations of me.  I had to let go of all identity before I was permitted to explore the bigger piece of me directing my journey here in this life and the simultaneous lives I am experiencing.

I never revisited the ship that I returned to during my life between life and didn’t give it more thought until recently.  Although I had beings show up in many meditations teaching me and consoling me from time to time, i was uncertain who they were or if it even mattered. I had learned and confirmed that they are Arcturians.  This last week it was finally revealed, a friend of mine, always here to guide me towards the direction I need, helped open the door.  The Arcturians showed themselves in their entirety, their connection to me, and took me back to the ship putting the pieces together for me.  They showed me how I am an Arcturian exploring this realm through many lives simultaneously.  Most importantly, they allowed me to see that yes, we are all the source; everything is the source, that I have a dimensional representation of source that is Arcturian.  My Arcturian self has entered many incarnations, and when I am done with this exploration, that is where I will return.  I am always tethered to the Arcturian expression of source, which is a larger part of me.  I am androgynous, and light, exploring here on earth through technology.  I am a volunteer who came to earth to share and spread a frequency. 

While I got lost in all of my other incarnations, the pieces of information I needed in those expressions filtered to me here, finally, I have not allowed the illusion to take hold and get lost within it.  We get lost in the identities, emotions, and illusion of suffering.  Getting lost in the illusion is terribly uncomfortable because it is out of alignment with our natural state of being.  We have learned to seek comfort on the outside rather than shifting our behaviors and making new choices on the inside.  The nonalignment are the veils of distortion we have agreed to as our truth.  It creates a realm of illusion that pulses from our internal state of being into our reality.  If we look into the beliefs and state of being, we will find the choice to return to our true essence.  In making these choices, our reality reflects the new.  As we begin to see our true core frequency beyond the illusion, we find our true selves.  In this, I recognize I am never alone, the bigger piece of me that I have descended from is shaping the path always showing me the choice.  Relaxing into my being and trusting how I open the door for so much more of the experience of my intended exploration.  While I can never do it wrong, I can create an experience that is more in alignment with what I prefer. 

The final message from the Arcturians was that I do not need to belong somewhere here.  I am never alone, so I need not feel lonely.  Most importantly, I am always connected; it is an illusion otherwise.  I am pure love expressing itself, to trust myself and my perspective even though it does not look like ANYONE else’s viewpoint.  They too are on the return to their essence.  Many of us volunteered to come into this realm to bring the frequency of pure unconditional love.  Stay the course; remember who you are, and TRUST it.  And now let the reality reflect that truth.  That is the technology of frequency within this simulation. 

We have gone galactic, the energies and our choices have allowed us to see we have already made contact.  We are the ones we have been waiting for.

Phases and cycles

As I move toward the New Quantum Moon tomorrow, I feel a final release of the karma that I carry through many incarnations.  It is a frequency that I have allowed myself to feel and remain for most of my life here.  These last few months have shown me different perspectives of this frequency, how I feel, what is triggered in me that causes it, and how I respond to it.  Finally, through a willing awareness and some outside help, I am in the final shift and release it for good.  In doing so, I feel a quantum shift within my being, and wow, does it feel good!

The last week I have begun exploring relationships outside of my home.  After more than six months of isolation, I felt it was time to open and move into my fears outside of the psyche.  The truth is these last few years I had experiences that triggered my PTSD over and over again until I could take no more.  These experiences were through relationships, trusting relationships where I perceived others as having some power over me as if they knew more or where better than me in some way.  No doubt this is a learned self-concept through a lifetime of abuse.  But these last years it was finally ready to show itself in its entirety with all of its roots and growths to be released. It manifested itself through an experience of trust and betrayal that has repeated throughout many incarnations, this year triggering me to the core wound.

After months of inner work, I found myself ready to see the reflections of my work.  In engaging with someone I consider a friend, she has been the only one who has held unconditional space for me aside from my husband this last year, an echo and showing of dissipating frequency revealed itself in its entirety. My friend has had no motives only pure love, she has never projected her wounds onto me, and for this, I am grateful. As I regained trust in another human, I allowed myself to experience outside of my created space of recovery and safety. This experience gave me the tools to release the wounded karmic frequency fully.

In conversations in the past, communication has always been a problem.  It has been my perception that I exist in a state different from most of those around me.  I typically take me some time to “get” to where they are.  I will call this processing.  In the past, I have allowed myself to feel less than or that something is wrong with me.  Often, I am speaking about and seeing something completely different than the other person I am attempting to communicate with causing what I have perceived as issues; it certainly does not help the relationship.  When I recognize I am not on the same page, which is typically through their reaction, it triggers this deep sense of pain, embarrassment, and distortion around not being enough, something being “wrong” with me, and a loss of value of who I am. Which it appears I didn’t have much to begin with, or it was taken from me at a very young age.  I can agree that it was taken away from me.  Whether I agreed to these experiences or not, my usual response is to run and hide!  Leave, abandon ship, this “feeling” is so out of alignment I must getaway! Except not this time, this time, I was shown why I felt the way I did and how to restore my frequency.  THANK YOU my Arcturian friends! 

That will be a blog for a different day.  But for now, I will share a piece of what I was shown.  I am the mountain and the tree.  I am whole and complete, and there is NOTHING wrong with me.  A vision began to appear when I was in the midst of feeling the distortion and thoughts of abandonment crossed my mind.  I was a tree whose roots began to grow into the top of a magnificent snow-capped mountain.  As a tree, I became the size of the mountain with my roots extending to the middle of the earth reaching the roots of and touching other trees. The top of the tree shot up high above the mountain and bloomed the most spectacular pink and white cherry blossoms. The mountain represents my core essence, it is immovable, and I must trust that.  However, I am also the tree; I sway with the wind and am continually growing through many cycles. 

In my relationships in the past, I could never quite stand in my power and trust who I was regardless of communication.  Each inability to bond and experience of betrayal further accentuated my old core distortion and further wounded me. This last year was a release of my unworthiness and the confidence I have had created within myself.  It has been a return to my core essence and a final release and removal of the primary distortion that held me back from experiencing this reality the way I meant to.  So, as the Quantum New Moon approaches, look at what is shown to you.  Your reactions to others are likely about you and certainly NOT about them.  The energy is here to support our evolution and transformation if we allow for it.  What frequency will you discover and release, and what frequency will you discover and hold tight as we enter the next phase of our evolution? 

Losing my identity, the dance between dimensions

I met with two dear friends.  We get together every few weeks to discuss our experiences.  As we talked about all the fun things going on, I felt this need to ask more questions attempting to get to a depth of myself through the experiences of others.  This conversation took me to a strange sensation of experiencing the world between the dimensions.  I began processing the chat after we were disconnected, coincidentally not, right at the end of and on the precipice of a new topic.  It was now time to process the reflection.  In perfect synchronicity, I moved to the next message which brought my awareness to the dance.

Our conversation was about understanding the self and who we become through life experience.  These last few months have been about a return to the core essence of self.  This is a discovery and journey into self-love rooted in our being and has been at the forefront of the minds of many who are experiencing an evolution.  I have had a motivation to explore myself and my actions, the subconscious behaviors I engage in but was previously unaware.  The subconscious and my fragments of self, continue to come to the surface to be seen and sorted through one by one. As I work through these pieces of self, I choose where they go and how I can shift them if I feel the need. Through new choices I create new experience and understandings that lead to awareness and removal of layers of filters with which I had previously viewed the world.  During our conversation, I continued to have this strange feeling my ego wanted to equate as not-enough-ness but I did not allow it; even in the awkward energy, I persisted.  I continued to ride the wave of energy and allowed it to show me what it was revealing.

When I was a child, I used to see people at night.  Just between the wake and sleep state.  Right at that moment where my mind is open to see but my subconscious does not have full control.  At this stage, my left and right brain are still operating but my veils are released so I can experience the physical senses in a somewhat conscious state.  From childhood, I learned to fear these apparitions and had no direction of use or what it meant for me.  Eventually, my fear turned to anger, and I wished the experiences away; until recently.  Suddenly I have had these apparitions show up again.  It is as if I am seeing into another world that is carrying on and they in this new world am unaware I see them.  Almost like the world within worlds, this might be described as frequency changes.  Something that is slightly out of frequency with our reality.  

During the conversation with my friends, I could feel myself vacillate between the frequencies.  Frequencies with veils removed and frequencies with all the learned behaviors present.  It was in the conversation itself where I saw the most, one where I was in observation of core essence and one where there was a focus on identity.  The identities we learn through life experiences that we take on and believe to be “who” we are.  The dance was one step into the core essence of self, releasing all the beliefs, and one step back into identities and the person.  This vacillation felt like a tug of war.  In a moment of weakness, I gave in to the self and the identities, then suddenly I was thrust into feeling and sensing my core.  This dance continued to show me how my human experience is always morphing and changing through an agreed-upon identity.  Most importantly, it was showing me there was something beyond it.

We learn who we are through the reflection of others, not only what we think they see, but what we think we should look like to them.  It is in lifetimes of interactions and experiences that our identities are formed.  But none of this is who we truly are. I do not identify as a heterosexual female.  Beyond that is an androgynous being who pulses with love, this being morphs and changes as needed but not situationally in the way we think of it here.  I put on and agree to different identities to experience within this realm and through this experience, my core essence grows in light and light is information.  Through our conversation, a focus of my core being was exposing itself.  It is reminding me of who I truly am, and just how beautiful and amazing that is.  It doesn’t need to fit in anywhere here because the truth is who I am is beginning to experience from a new perspective, a change in frequency being created by a release of the veils of identity.

A release of all of the identities, recognizing I am not the doer, through this, I see that the things I do, and none of this defines anything about me. My new perspective is through my core essence.  I am mastering how to experience without taking on and believing the illusion.  The belief that this is all that is here, what our few recognized senses are showing us is when we get lost in the illusion.  When we are sucked in by the belief that we are anything because of anything or anyone outside of us, we are in and consumed by the illusion.  As I let go of all of the control I have been taught was safe and necessary, I feel myself shift into my core.   

Returning to this state has opened the door for me to experience from this perspective closer to my essence.  I have removed more veils and in doing so, opened the door to experience another world previously closed to me.  Right now, I am only able to see when I am in this relaxed conscious state but clearly I am able to feel it. As I continue to let these identities and agreements fall away and I embrace my core essence, I shift my frequency allowing for an exploration of new worlds.  Dare I say it, I am becoming ascended and a master of this realm.  But for now, I dance between the dimensions. 

~ A thank you to my dear friends who allow me to explore their consciousness as a reflection of my own.  We are the same, but each of us one facet of the diamond.  Your perspective allows me to expand mine.  Lots of love, ALWAYS.

Unexpected places of reflection

The universe is like a parent.  She will tell us to do something, attempting to give insight into choice and will get louder and louder until she has our attention.  For me, I have learned to listen, though it has taken practice and many years of pain and suffering.  Pain and suffering at my hand mind you, no one else.  And this realization has been the biggest gift of the universe. Because again, it is ALL about me.  My reality is always only a reflection of what I have going on within me and it shows up in unexpected ways.

I observe all my children with eyes of wonder.  What I have finally discovered is that they are brought into this world to teach us.  Though we believe we are teaching them, and we unknowingly are through our actions and choices.  On a constant repeat of creating frequencies that continue to shape the beliefs that support the reality we are currently seeing as the collective experience.  It is they who are here to teach us by reflecting back to us our beliefs that are a distortion of our true essence and desired reality.  As if the universe sends us this instruction set and says, “Okay, Charolette, one more time, from the beginning!” If we take a step back and look at ourselves, we can see what the universe is showing us.

I have five children; today I will share my experience with my eight-year-old Amaris.  Currently, I am aware of the universe’s communication through my interactions with her.  About a year and a half ago, I chose to homeschool Amaris.  The signals from the universe were getting louder and louder through the situations she was experiencing at the local public school.  My fear of not being good enough or capable of homeschooling allowed me to continue to make the choice to ignore the universe.  Additionally, my husband and I had no support to make this choice, everyone affirmed our insecurities and suggested it was a undesirable or poor choice. Eventually, after a few stressful and potentially life-altering incidences Amaris experienced while in the care of the school, we decided to face our fear, support or not and bring her home.  This choice immediately showed me things about my daughter that I was previously unaware of and opened the door for her to receive the personalized support she required. 

Reaching the milestone of having had taught my daughter to read was one of the most rewarding experiences I have had.  I had tangible results of providing someone the freedom to explore the world through reading, which allows for a depth of adventure with new eyes.  While a beautiful accomplishment, under this success was my driving force that may have damaged my daughter in the process.  I felt the need to meet deadlines and push her to excel, always focusing on what she was not doing correctly and not within the allotted time.  She was open to learning but at her own pace.  She is capable of understanding, comprehending, and excellent at decoding but in her way.  It is not fast-paced and does not meet the “standards” of the state testing requirements and results, but she is fully capable.  Often getting so upset that we had worked hard for days and weeks on end accomplishing so much only to have her fail had become exhausting, and I blamed her.  I was often downright angry when she would not perform well on tests.  My constant go, go, go, “come on, you know this,” made it even worse.   Finally, when she continued to not measure up to the testing requirements, I felt a tremendous sense of desperation and disappointment.  On the outside, I could have blamed her, but my awareness and ability to see showed me it was not because of her but because of me.  Her lack of success meant I was not doing my part in some way and that guess what, that I was not enough. My reactions to her, had nothing to do with her, but with me.

Enter the universe and her beauty.  Everything I had been working on as if it was a deficit within my daughter, is her original essence and beauty.  We considered taking her to get a formal diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder, as she has some of the quirks and signs of this diagnosis, to receive further support.  Upon further reflection I considered what would I choose to change besides my own behavior?  I certainly will not medicate her, telling her she isn’t enough or measuring up.  Would I say take this drug to change you into a more socially acceptable version of a child?  Hell no!  Most of the children I know who were medicated can not wait to turn eighteen so they could get off of medication and live life from their natural perspective. And of those children, they did successfully, all the while attempting to come to terms with who they are and learning to love and accept themselves despite what the world tried to mold them into. Amaris goes at her own pace, does things her way, and views the world through a unique lens and I need to recognize the beauty in it.  While it doesn’t “look” the way the state expects it to, it is perfect for her.  All along Amaris was teaching me how to slow down, how to do things my way, and how to trust myself.  She and children like her are here to break our box and the templates we have created as acceptable.  She reminds us that we do not need to measure up to anything.

After centuries of dividing and shaming those who are different as a curse rather than celebrating our uniqueness, we have created this multilayered distortion.  Our children are here to show us this reflection of distortion through their perfection.  There is a beauty in the way she does things and I am learning to love and respect that.  Amaris has allowed me to see my own anger and frustration, my insecurities and learned reactions to the world around me.  The universe speaks and shows me a choice through my daughter.  My children are my greatest teachers when I can hear and see what is revealed to me through them.  That means allowing my heart to guide me, opening my mind to the new, and telling my ego she is safe no matter what.  All the while, having the courage to face myself and the changes I need to make inside without blame, shame, or guilt. 

As the universe continues to call us, to show us our frequency by looking within, we begin to shift.  Our generationally learned tendency is to look at those around us as our stressors, “If only they would just do as I say, we would all get along much better,” we say.  We suggest our lives would be better if those around us would change or measure up.  Perhaps we could change the violence in the world or stop pollution.  But the truth is, and this is the science behind our reality where the rules are like attracts like.  Everything you are seeing and experiencing is because it exists within you.  So, stop pointing fingers and let go of that blame, shame, and guilt.  These are learned reactions and taught feelings; they were meant to keep us as prisoners from the beginning.  You are the savior of no one else but you.  And once you shift your frequency with honesty and love, you will change the reality surrounding you to match.  We have all the tools we need to create the reality and experiences we prefer. The universe is here to guide us if we choose to hear her.  And if we listen the first time she speaks, let me assure you, it is much more comfortable with a lot less pain.  So what is the universe communicating to you?  Chances are your most significant stressors on the outside are pointing to the distortion within you.