Parts of the whole

Again, my guidance nudged me for days to write a blog, and now finding the time to do so. Over many years I have observed my reactions to situations and relationships. And through experiences, I have recognized how my brain is wired. Due to Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, I observed the heightened amygdala response; my body was always in the fight, flight, or fawn mode. In recognizing this, I sought to change my reactions, behaviors, and thus my experiences. Note I am constantly evolving, merging into the next experience. And for me, this is the journey and adventure of being human.

Living in a mindful and aware state, I am more conscious of my responses and behaviors. And I attempt to observe these behaviors free of filters of shame, blame, and guilt. When I recognize the filter, I adjust accordingly. My current neurological and the psychological state of CPTSD takes me a great deal of time to process and sort out my thoughts, feelings, emotions, and behaviors surrounding experiences. I am gentle with myself and allow the process. I take the time to process to have more profound and joyful experiences. Over time my responses naturally shift to more preferred experiences.

I have previously written about black and white dual thinking. I see many individuals who are already quite experienced in this evolution. Stress and trauma seem to be related to black and white type of thinking; it is my experience that there is a link here. My current perspective of the now is that the “this or that” of life is not accurate. I recall when I began deep meditation, which allowed me to explore altered conscious states. When I experienced what I then referred to as higher dimensional consciousness states, they contradicted what I then referred to as lower dimensional consciousness. Both perspectives exist, but my mind first wanted to make one better than the other and make one the correct perspective.  In the end, I realized they just were, both existing, none better than the other, and both accurate.

I see a lot of this dual perspective within the spiritual communities. Since 2009 I have watched videos and read articles about humans moving from their minds to hearts. As if one is better than the other. This perspective reminds me of growing up within the formal public education system. There was no fundamental knowledge of unique learning styles then. And in black and white thinking mode, if individuals did not respond to the standard teaching style, it was assumed that the person had some learning disability. But as we acquired more information and grew as a culture, we discovered that individuals all had different learning styles. It is no longer the case that we must learn one way, and we are reaping the benefits of taking more unique approaches to learning.  

Many years ago, following those teachings, I desired to live in my heart and no longer in my brain. I let go of critical thinking and logic, had no boundaries, and lived from my heart. I finally discovered living this way through many painful interactions that my preferred personal experience required both. For me, the experience of being within my heart and mind was essential. Perhaps those years of living in my heart opened something for me; maybe it was a slow progression of evolution, allowing me to experience from many perspectives. But once I began to let go of radical ideas and found balance, I began a whole new experience.

I recently heard someone use the situation of not being in her heart when she does laundry as an example. To this, I say, why not? I am in my heart and mind in everything I do. I may not like doing specific tasks, but that does not mean I am not in my heart. I love every experience, from the mundane laundry task and the confrontations that allow me the space to grow to the tasks I most enjoy. The black and white thinking is so limiting. Perhaps it’s like a pendulum swing; the older I get, the softer the swing until it finds center. Over the years, I have recognized that educating myself, exploring and integrating information, alchemizing it into wisdom has brought me closest to the experiences I prefer. At this point in my human life, I know I enjoy every second of every moment, regardless of the situation. Does enjoying something even have anything to do with being in the heart? Because being in my heart and mind is about living the best possible life. Even when I am frustrated with my children, I am in my heart. I am always doing the best I can in every moment: no regrets, I have found balance and gratitude, which feels like I am always in my heart and mind.  

Now that I can see more of the whole, I am excited to say that I don’t know anything. I am excited to be wrong; it opens the door for a whole new adventure! No longer seeking the answer, I allow the universe to guide me. It feels like I am riding along a beautiful stream, the universe the current providing me the following key to the subsequent emergence, the next bread crumb on my great adventure of this human experience. It is all simply amazing, from major surgery to breaking through cultural programs, experiencing gratification, to heartbreak.

This perspective of the now is balance, inclusivity, and the gratitude that comes with it. Ken Wilber often says, “transcend and include,” which has been my experience. Instead of rejecting things that I no longer agree with, I recognize that these ideologies exist and are; perhaps this is more about compassion, I am not sure. I transcend and include without rejection, allowing my experiences to evolve. With this, recognize the necessity of one perspective as it has provided the foundation for the next, just like my previous multidimensional perspective experience. Ideologies do not need to contradict one another; they can co-exist as a part of the whole.

We see pieces or threads and assume them to be the whole. We are dynamic, complex systems; for our human minds, we can sometimes only see parts of the whole. We often simplify systems as if our theories are truth without full knowledge of the whole. One only needs to look back throughout history to observe the evolution of our thinking and our ability to begin to take a holistic perspective. Perhaps we needed to understand the smallest pieces and parts so we can experience and understand the whole. The interconnected and what sometimes appears contradictory works together when we allow it all to have its required space. To live in the heart and the mind, they are both required.

Published by onefacet

I am consciousness experiencing. Exploring and journeying through this reality while always creating and living the best version of myself, the one I prefer.

One thought on “Parts of the whole

  1. The recognition that both heart and mind are needed to work towards more pieces and more threads to be unveiled and understood is beautiful. I really like it when my “Feelers,” antennas are taking in as much as I can by staying neutral and then I can take my time to go over the data from different angles and decompress the data package of sensory experience.

    Liked by 1 person

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