Several years ago, I began the deep dive into understanding myself and my behaviors. My ability to be radically honest and authentic has dramatically impacted my experiences and observations. For many years I could not understand why I seemed to have difficulty communicating with others. Outside of a couple of people with whom I regularly interact, I am often misunderstood. So, a few years ago, I set out to understand this phenomenon.
Let’s start with this summer when two separate individuals entered my life. They both carried characteristics that made me terribly uncomfortable. Over the years, I watched people shun others who had these characteristics, what some call “low vibrations.” I find this shunning and behavior very contradictory to the message of love and peace that so many “higher vibration individuals” demonstrate in their virtue signaling and spiritual superiority.
It was in examining the individuals whose characteristics made me uncomfortable that I finally understood what was happening. I recognized that these individuals had behaviors similar to others who had injured me in the past. It wasn’t that these people are low vibration; I did not have appropriate boundaries in which to interact. The behaviors triggered a safety issue for me, and until I could work that out, these individuals would continue to make me uncomfortable. Once I processed my fears and established healthy boundaries, my safety was no longer at risk. And this is where I found genuine and authentic acceptance. I finally saw that it isn’t others’ “low vibration”; our inability to process and understand ourselves is the issue. When we do not process our issues, others will always trigger a reaction.
Let’s look at the communication issues. As you can see, I often just lay what I am seeing, thinking, and feeling out on the table. Like pure information, I remove all shame, blame, or guilt from the information. Those (shame or guilt) are the perceptual filters through which we often interact with information. At the same time, I use emotional intelligence; I have strong empathic skills. However, I do not tiptoe around subjects. I feel that direct open communication and honesty about my thoughts and feelings are the most efficient communication methods. And this has worked; I have been married for fifteen years and continue to have the best relationship with my partner than any other I have experienced to date. He does not hear me through filters, and when he does, he checks himself as I check myself. When we hear information through a filter of insecurity, shame, blame, or guilt, it often distorts the message. Getting to the core by recognizing your filters and removing them is the key.
My filters had been “shame” instilled in me by my parents and every role model throughout my childhood. That filter of shame continued to drive me to understand what was wrong with me and why people reacted to me the way they often did, so in some way, it was beneficial. I fully appreciate it now; there was nothing wrong with me. These interactions were strongly motivated by the filters of which I saw the world and the filters of which others saw the world and me. When I discuss an important topic, and someone hears it through a filter of insecurity, it changes what they hear entirely. It no longer becomes about the information; it becomes distorted by the shame or guilt filter they hear the information.
Now that I recognize this, I am more confident and stand more firmly in my power. I no longer let the filters of others and the filter of shame that has plagued me my entire life manipulate me.
Often, we make assumptions about what individuals mean through our filters. Why not just ask? Our core wounds so manipulate us. Usually, we steer clear of anyone struggling to grow because they trigger what we have not resolved within ourselves. Many blame it on “low or negative energy,” and the worst is when they blame it on an outside entity or attachment. It is we who must take responsibility for our behaviors and our creations. I would not discard my children because they were not enough of this or that, measuring up to my standards, and I will not do it with others. I will hold space by processing my wounds and filters, recognizing that I create these interactions with my response.
Dig down and understand who you are, understand the why of your behaviors. Adjust to build new experiences through your behaviors while expressing the boundaries necessary with others. Check yourself and stop pointing the finger at others. If there is any “dark energy,” it is because it matches your frequency. It all comes back to you.
If you want peace and love in the world, start with the filters impacting how you see the world and others. Dig down, take responsibility for your part in creation.