I do not get to write many blogs these days. Between my education, my children’s, the house, and life, there are not many extra minutes. I extend my education beyond academics by watching YouTube videos to pull in additional information while exercising. On occasion, I have time to read a book while healthily balancing science and spirituality. I just heard the astrophysicist Brian Greene say something along the lines of, “understanding provides the latitude for experience of it.” This understanding of all things has been vital for me in my life. Understanding how my behaviors were created and having the tools to shift those has created beautiful experiences in my life.
Although many people disagree with my lifestyle, I have created everything I have always dreamed of. I have the most amazing children, a supportive and unconditionally loving husband, a home of which we made beautiful through hard work. I have even made a couple of quality friends along the way. Yes, life is good, from my perspective. Through understanding, I have been finally able to create the experiences I desire.
It took some research, time, and understanding, but I finally discovered I was attempting to have relationships with individuals who were not emotionally available. When the relationship did not work, I would internalize there was something wrong with me. As a matter of fact, I continuously allowed others to shame me for my behaviors. However, this last year, I have discovered exactly who I am and have found what boundaries are and where they need to be in my life. People-pleasing learned during survival periods when I was young did not allow for boundaries. Fuck, I did not know what a boundary was! Finally, I have discovered what boundaries are and where they belong, and wow, what an improved difference application of healthy boundaries has brought into my life experience.
Accountability and responsibility are so essential to me. When individuals take responsibility, they lessen the projection of their issues onto others. I began by taking responsibility and recognizing the part I played. So much healing has been achieved through this approach. No longer bypassing one thread of experience has positively reshaped my reality. After a lifetime of suffering, I have healthily found peace. No longer bypassing the issues but going in-depth, understanding, and taking action to make a change.
My personality is different; my perspective is almost always different than those around me. For most of my life, I internalized I needed to change who I was to fit in, again, that something is wrong with me. By understanding shame and how it was wielded, how I internalized it, I finally shifted how I related to shame. I have finally experienced standing in the power and energy of who I am without shame. Not the shame projected onto me by others or the shame I took on through experience. Everything has shifted, and I am experiencing something new. I love it! Finally, I have discovered myself! And I no longer apologize for who that is.
I continue to shift in many ways. With my approach to life, it has been an enjoyable ride. The balance I needed between the spirit and body continues to unfold. The black and white thinking has dissipated, and now I can view things as “this and that,” rather than “this or that.” Ken Wilber’s integral theory describes a development where we transcend and include. Previously, I would reject old ideas as I moved on to new ideas, but now I understand the necessity for the scaffolding of information. It all has its place. I am not sure what created the black and white thinking; it appears to be tied to trauma. Through hard work, I continue to rewire my brain, which has changed my perception, resulting in new experiences.
So, yes, Brian Greene, including quantum physics, understanding how things work does change our experience. It has been vital to my life; I have discovered much about myself through exploring and understanding. I have been able to reshape my reality to create experiences I prefer. I know who I am and have boundaries protecting and honoring my energy. The deep dives into exploration on many scientific and spiritual topics over the last fifteen years have influenced my behaviors and my choices in navigating this life experience. Armed with this knowledge, I create and experience the life I desire.