This is what I asked for

Wowee! When I volunteered for the thirty-day challenge to remain authentic, allowing feelings to flow while addressing and sharing how I am always feeling, I did not think it was going to be this difficult.  I have this awareness here that is showing me so much about myself.  My perceptions, my insecurities, and my sensitivities have all come front and center. I am recognizing and maintaining all of this while balancing relationships and expectations have been quite the challenge. The most important factor I am aware of is the struggle to keep my mind clear and always trust myself.  My tendency for people-pleasing rears its ugly head! Down boy, down!

Firstly, I realize I simply do not see the world or communicate within it, like most of those whom I encounter in the relationship. However, I remain constant; my consistent state is one of open exploration. My superpower is chameleon. I have this desire to explore many perspectives. While I will always only experience from the Char perspective, I celebrate all perspectives.  Each of us has a point of attention we are experiencing through in this reality.  No one perspective is more valuable than the other. My perspective with its set of circumstances, creating an experience through my perception, is just one, and I will NEVER truly know another in this reality. The best I can hope for is that through relationships, we see our reflection.  Emotions are communicating the journey through these relationships and environments. Through cultural norms of measuring up to the underlying belief systems, we have hijacked our authenticity and capability of celebrating each unique perspective.  And I celebrate that the Char perspective has seen and experienced this. The adventure through it all is why I came.

Time and time again, I see people who have situations in their lives they have created.  When offered a possible resolution and a deep dive within, they deny the assistance or even the cure.  Humans do not often enjoy change; fear keeps them bound to difficult and constricting situations.  Have we been taught to suffer through our social programming? I know I was. Why wouldn’t we explore our belief structures and allow for changes that create realities where we thrive? This realization was the answer for me, but perhaps it is not the answer for you. When I look out on the populace, I observe much suffering and the inability to focus on the actual cause. It appears many focus on the wrong issues; of course, this again is from my perspective. There is no deep dive into the self; everything is on the outside, which has created victimhood. 

Here in the west, the structures are not created in equal ways.  There is a socioeconomic struggle that creates a survival dynamic.  When we have identities that intersect this struggle, it creates an even more difficult environment.  However, that dynamic is not outside of you.  It is a belief system we have bought into and accepted as truth. These perceived inequalities are social constructs, and feeding that structure only makes it stronger. If we change our thinking from victim status to creation, taking responsibility for our thoughts and actions, we can shift the experiences which, over time, change the structure.  This viewpoint is what is referred to as being the change you wish to see in the world.

I have long released and transcended identities by observing and choosing to know myself beyond this social creation and construction. Beyond all my experiences is my energy, my true essence, and none of that is related to this construct in the way we have been taught. Is this my attempt to reconcile that which I do not understand? Possibly. However, since I began living my life from this perspective, my experiences have shifted to peace and loving creations. The way I perceive the world and my experiences in it has shifted from merely surviving and constant avoidance to loving all my experiences, moving closer to thriving.  I would not have changed my perception if I was unwilling to look within because that is where the perception is created.  If I had continued to focus only on my outside experience and perceived identities, I would have remained in victimhood struggling and suffering, never enjoying this amazing gift of life experience. I changed the narrative from one of escape to one of embrace.

There are just some things that come naturally to me. I view all humans as one.  Perhaps this is my upbringing in such diversity; maybe it is white privilege, I do not know. I certainly have had a multitude of struggles and trauma, but it has never changed my love for anyone. I have always seen the beauty and held unconditional love for everyone.  It was only the assumptions and lack of open communication that allowed a differing perception by others.   We have been taught to judge one another, to compare, to never understand how perception works, to live blindly, always pointing fingers at others, out there. I do not; I celebrate the beauty of us all, regardless of the experiences.

I never even realized the words I was sharing in communication with others were heard through those perceptual ears of judgment. I am always just where I am. I realized we all only hear from the place that we are.  And when I did realize, I struggled with my part of the responsibility of the perception of others. AND THIS realization is what I will write about in my next blog; the phases of evolution. I celebrate all phases of evolution; each is necessary. Because I celebrate ALL of humanity.  Not only those who meet a certain set of sameness but the beauty of it all, particularly the differences.  I am always open to what I will learn and how this growth will expand my experiences. This is the blessing of life! The over 7.8 billion perspectives. The game is awareness of our perception, how it is shaped, and how we interact with our environments based on that perception.

As authentic as I am, I still struggle to stand firm in who I am.  Rejection and the perceptions of others remains a core issue.  Not even a whole week into the emotion challenge, I have stuffed down feelings and felt myself want to detach and avoid.  I have second-guessed myself and allowed my very perception of others to deter my expression.  But I have also seen so much of myself that expresses my growth, my knowledge of who I am. I am traveling new paths, on new journeys, and adventures, and I LOVE it ALL. Each moment is ebbing and flowing, creating something new. AND this is exactly what I asked for. What do you desire?

Published by onefacet

I am consciousness experiencing. Exploring and journeying through this reality while always creating and living the best version of myself, the one I prefer.

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