Wow-what a ride! These last few weeks have been like a rollercoaster without all the cool pics. I guess I better start taking more pics! It is so exciting to observe the self. The flood of our basement and losses in August are the situations that have arisen creating circumstances are like the hills in the rollercoaster. The question is always, am I going to let go, put my hands in the air and enjoy the rush? Or will I hold tight, squeezing the blood from my hands, cramping all of the muscles, and throwing my body into a cortisol crisis, creating extreme stress in my body and mind? I choose to let go and scream with excitement. Each experience shows me so much about myself, my inner dialog, and my beliefs. It also brings my attention to the perception of the world around me and how I respond to those relationships. This rollercoaster always seems to have a surprise in store. When I let go and celebrate the human experience regardless of how circumstances may appear, a flow of expansion and growth manifests something I could have never expected.
I have always been the type that when I see people in need and I arise to the occasion openly sharing whatever I can. Over the years, my perspective has been that to make the changes we desire in the world, it not only begins within us and is manifest through that reflection but also in our behaviors to work together, allowing the interactions to be our greatest catalyst for growth. We are not meant to this alone; relationships provide the reflection we require to expand. When we open to honest communication and let go of assumptions, great things evolve. When we pull together and live in integrity and authenticity, we only need to give a small portion as we each carry the smaller pieces. It is no one’s job to save anyone, but when working together, each doing our parts, we can accomplish much more. I often did this in working with clients. My perspective is that if much of the world is in survival and unable to transcend their current mindset due to this experience, why would I make my services only available to those who are not struggling. The very people who need it are those who currently cannot see the value or afford it. They are in survival, and the matrix is set up to keep them in this state. So I often volunteered my time and resources. I pulled groups together where individuals did not need to carry a burden alone; in turn, each within the group gave a small piece making the situation much easier to transcend because it was done in support of one another. Rather than allowing others to drown alone, I see where we can give a small portion of energy and together overcome so much and grow in the process. There is much I want to say about this topic, but that is for another blog.
Only one short week after my husband’s truck died, leaving us with one vehicle, the basement flooded for the second time in two weeks. I had been okay with having one car and have an excellent support system. But the finished basement was another story; my first reaction was feeling overwhelmed. The cost of clean up and repairs was beyond anything we could afford. I had a fleeting thought to create a go fund me campaign asking for the support of others but quickly abandoned that idea. I have donated many times to those who experienced situations like these. In that thought, I felt my insecurity rise. Did I want others to know I needed help? What if no one supports us? What does that mean about me? Would this be an echo of my not-enough-ness? The internal dialog immediately brought underlying beliefs to the surface for me to look at. And this is when I let go and began enjoying the ride!
The flood triggered things I had been excited to transcend and integrate but could not create the interactions needed to test my responses and beliefs. My husband said the next day, “what do you think about a go fund me?” I know asking for help is sometimes difficult for most of us. This is something he and I have struggled with in the past. And because of that, and my higher aspects pushing me, I said yes! Let’s do it.
We created our go fund me campaign, shared it on social media, and emailed it to a few friends. My higher aspects reminding me, you know who you are, the reactions and choices of others have NOTHING to do with you but are ALWAYS only about them. What happened next was exciting. We think of ourselves as always growing, expanding, and shifting, but we often do not think of others in the same way. I wrote a blog about this earlier this year. We view ourselves as ever-changing, but we think of others in a static state. Often we live in the last memory of pain or struggle that involved them pulling that memory into our present moment. Those who I never expected would arise to assist us did! Those who could not give financially offered to help physically with demo and rebuilding. My mother, who disowned me last year, gave what little she had to share. My FRIENDS, those I have held close as a part of my immediate support system, shared what they had and spread the word. My in-laws continued to support us, and in this support, I viewed my pride yet again. My neighbor gave in such a generous and compassionate way with the continued backing, so much that I was in awe. These acts of kindness I did not expect, and I am in deep gratitude, feeling the love I had always hoped to expose to others. I manifested through my state of love and by letting go of old beliefs.
This experience also showed me where I still have resentments. I still carry jealousy with my biological father’s support of his two other children and his newest wife’s family but his continued lack of support for me. I still have much more exploration and alchemizing of energy here. While he has grown and shifted over the last few years, and we have had some conversations that were cathartic, my perception is still one of lack and abandonment when it comes to him. And I thank this flood for showing me that! It is exciting to see what lurks beneath the surface. For me, I need this stimulation; I can not see my shadows and projections unless they are triggered by others. The ability to have these beliefs and feelings exposed is a great adventure for me. Now that I see it, I can rebuild it in action.
As I said in my last blog, these experiences are what I would miss when I move out of the physical realm. I have learned to love them all, to experience without judgment. I could have perceived this flood and the truck, along with the ten other things… THE TOOTH I FINALLY GOT PULLED YESTERDAY! as negative, but chose not to. I experience them as the fun rollercoaster ride of the physical experience. The change in mindset and perception shifts my experience! Today and every day, I am grateful for the ride! This is what I came for. And I FEEL the LOVE! WHEEEEE!
August brought the circumstances for change, September has brought the response. Thank you to everyone who has supported us. Your love, generosity, and compassion are the highlight of our experience. The fluidity in the expansion and growth of us all is apparent in this perspective of the NOW!