Over the years, I have observed some interesting and frustrating phenomena. I have experienced this great awakening within so many yet the lack of emotional, cognitive, and social development to handle the new perspectives. Even the awakening communities that I participated in, I still observed this ethnocentric viewpoint, which to me, defeats the purpose of awakening. We speak of the unity of consciousness but in the same breath, say there is a great split, and there will be two worlds. This us against them, the ethnocentric perspective is the very same perspective of most organized religion. I found the new awakened spirituality movement had not evolved into an actual world-centric or universal-centric unity consciousness view; there was still much missing in the stages of cognitive, emotional, and social development. There continues to be this fracturing that desires to project its shadow onto the other. And while it is done innocently, because it wouldn’t be a shadow if we were aware of it, it is causing the very division that awakening is meant to transcend.
This month have pulled back, observing my energy, and allowing the breadcrumbs of the universe to guide me. A few weeks ago, I began a race and ethnicity course and, in that course, had to write a paper that allowed me to see just how much avoidance and ignorance is embedded into our western culture. I realized I was also taught just to ignore issues, not to focus on them, as if these issues will somehow disappear if we do not address them. I would later be taught in New Age spirituality this was not avoidance but a focus issue; since I have discovered this is an ignorance issue. While change does begin within each individual, it is each individual who takes the action of change, including looking at and alchemizing all the shadow reflective into the collective. This alchemization takes radical responsibility and authenticity, exploring all levels of the self and its interaction with the exterior world. One can not do this if they are only surrounding themselves with those who make them feel comfy and share the same perspectives. This exploration requires an amount of discomfort pushing the self to evolve, both developmentally and spiritually.
Earlier this month, I recognized how I use my transcended states of identity as an escape mechanism, ignoring the issues that I have been socially constructed by remaining in the perspective of awareness and not being fully present in the human experience. There are an emotional intelligence and maturity one must embody in order to live in a balanced state, which includes transcendence and the human 3D perspective. For several years I have observed myself continue to evolve and grow, pulling the experiences and perspectives from the past, allowing them to morph into new ideas and experiences. Like building a skyscraper, I began building on the lower floors and incorporated new floors building on the existing structure. I have this innate drive and desire to keep building. This innate drive isn’t what I would label as seeking; it is evolving. I finally realize this is the purpose of the universe. To take chaotic information and structure it into order through experience.
For me, the great adventure is the exploration of the self and riding the expansion. It has only been in the last year and a half that I changed my perspective and learned it is okay to be wrong. I was frozen in fear of being wrong; the performance-based culture taught me to be paralyzed by the possibility of error. The belief and desire for safety caused me to be imprisoned in this fear. I would never reach outside of my depth, due to my fear of rejection and abandonment, and the lack of safety this created for me. Suddenly this year, I began to alchemize this fear, and the adventure really began. Through an internalizing of ideas and concepts, more than learning information but finding the knowledge that could become wisdom, I integrated new concepts through practice and experience. By allowing the synchronicity to take me exactly where I need to go through intuition and what I call the field, I discovered the next piece of my journey.
I returned to college about a year and a half ago to finish my bachelor’s with the plan to go onto grad school. Now in my forties, I finally understood what my college professor meant in a class I took in 1993 during my first college attempt. She said, so many of us have this amazing perspective and unique viewpoints capable of seeing the world in new ways, yet we do not have the vocabulary to communicate the ideas. Over the last few years, this is where I struggled. And returning to college afforded me the language I had been seeking to communicate my perspective. The new vocabulary and concepts in theories have helped me to digest and communicate specific teachings, both academically and spiritually. This process has created the space for an integration of the two.
It was through the evolution of emotional intelligence and maturity in development that allowed me to recognize my issues that create discontentment in many experiences that relate to unhealthy attachment, lack of safety, and my shadow. Recognizing where the ignoring of issues does not assist my development and growth, I stepped out to explore, discover, and face all my pieces and parts. This process allows for many new and exciting perspectives. I am never stagnant and always growing. For me, this the purpose of my human experience. I am taking all the information since my incarnation and building and building until my skyscraper is complete, and my legacy is left for others to taste and explore. It will or will not add to their journey in building their own legacy that allows humanity to be one step closer to true unity consciousness and experience. But I ride the flow, with radical authenticity not only in my relationships with the exterior but the interior in my relationship with self.
I continue to be excited about the next piece or step that takes me further on my adventure. Excited about dialog, yet still frustrated that others are not open to this growth we can experience together by sharing perspectives, and insights. The deep exploration of the self excites me; it is achieved only by coming together, exploring together, and by opening with more in-depth dialog. No longer just throwing out forced perspectives and projections. Bored with college and most interactions, perhaps graduate school, will be different. There are these topics and classes that are so ripe for exploration into beliefs, yet no one desires to go there. The answer is typically the standard, “not where I choose to focus” response. Yet these areas are the places we must focus on bringing change because whether we are aware or not, they are so embedded within our belief systems and culture as shadow, shining light and focusing on them is the only path to alchemizing their energy and creating something new.
I continue to be excited about the experience of the balance between trusting and loving the self and the outside communication in relationships allowing me to grow through conflict. I often wonder why others fear this; why are they not excited by the adventure? Why do they not desire to evolve and grow as I do? We greatly benefit from exploring aspects of ourselves. This exploration creates experiences where we no longer live in fear of the relationships and interactions that trigger us; we invite them so we may expand and grow. This month of August, I have found the vocabulary, concepts, and, most importantly, the balance I had been on a great adventure in obtaining. This month of August brought expansion and growth, quenching my deepest innate desires.