My strongest trait is authenticity. I share exactly what I am experiencing, feeling, and thinking without filter or fear. The world around me has condemned me for this; it makes individuals too uncomfortable. There is an energy here that is perceived as a threat. I have been told; there are things we just do not share with others; REALLY I reply! Who created that rule? Those who have something to hide. Those who are still a prisoner of guilt, shame, and blame? We ALL experience similar feelings and emotions, yet we pretend we do not. The situations and circumstances change; as humans, we operate similarly, yet many hide their experience due to societal and cultural beliefs, which have been constructed for some control and manipulation. And yet when we begin being authentic EVERYTHING changes.
I experienced in my own family, and the observation of others displaced emotions and lack of authenticity as this echoed out into society. One of my daughters is extremely empathic, just as I am. When she asks me what is wrong, and I tell her I am fine, she works to understand why I am lying. I know longer tell her I am fine. I observe the conflict this causes, which teaches us not to trust our intuition.
For me, growing up, I thought there was something wrong with me. I internalized the wounds of others and grappled with my perceived difference in behavior versus what I felt and from the rest of society. There is a social construct in place that keeps us disconnected from our authenticity. It is often the perception that others are stronger than us or know more than us. I continually placed these people on pedestals attempting to measure up. These performance-based cycles of experience that keep us detached from who we truly are. I am reminded of the Sisyphus myth, the curse of the continued pushing of the rock up the hill only to have it roll back down right as I get it to that perceived top, and then back again I go, pushing and pushing, over an entire lifetime. I never reach perceived fulfillment and never fully reach the perceived destination. This myth of Sisyphus is what I think has defined our society and created a constant seeking.
I believed those who had it figured out would teach me something I was not getting, why my honesty and authenticity were so damaging to me. I thought I was doing something wrong. Perhaps they knew the answer, yet when observing those very people, I see them hiding from their authentic selves, probably for the same reasons I did—fear of rejection and abandonment.
Yet as I evolve and have learned to love myself and have compassion for every experience, thought, and belief, I understand the difference. There is a fear of authenticity that I no longer have. It is no longer a part of my makeup. Perhaps it was a reaction to the survival and detachment I experienced from my authenticity at a younger age. When I reattached to my authentic self, I let go of shame; the shame of not assimilating, the shame of not feeling like there was something wrong with me, and the shame of the reaction my authenticity incites in others. And I no longer fear rejection or abandonment when I share my authenticity.
I hide nothing. I openly share my experiences so we may all grow and expand through open connection and exploration of what makes us human. To pretend to be something we are not is a prison. To fear if we share too much, we will be rejected is a prison. I have a need to experience true freedom and can only achieve this in my authentic state. Today, I stand firm in my authenticity, regardless of the perceptions of others. I hide nothing and love myself fully while holding the space for others on their unique journey! Ask yourself why you cannot be honest with others about what you are thinking and feeling? This questioning is the clue to your authenticity, and what keeps you from expressing it may have been created in fear.
I am ever-changing and ever-evolving. The promise I made was never to change who I am for the approval of another or society ever again. I AM no longer focused on the approval of others, but am focused on the expansion, evolution, and growth of humanity from many perspectives. This expression is my authenticity, a complete and total expression of who I Am, and continue to be without fear.