Life is oscillatory; we see it in many functions, including the cell. We all go through contraction and expansion through this oscillation as each oscillation takes us into a new expression of form. For me, awareness of these states brings the most significant change. It is through embodiment that I sense the shifts throughout many states of being. The last weeks I have recognized the divine feminine within me is ready for a breakthrough in a very primal way. As I observed the many feelings that accompany this experience, I acknowledge its connection generationally, across time and space. The tension and contractions that held this energy back for generations are ready to burst and flow freely. The cells rejoicing as the numbness is released and the cells begin to experience freedom in their authentic free form of expression.
I used to work with other modalities and healers but, over time, got turned off by the constant projection and filtrations of others. The perceptions through the mind build a differing reality for each of us, and that is okay. However, the inability to hold unconditionally loving space for another is something that affects me because I am so very sensitive to the energy of others. I require a space where I can release completely and fully, yet I have not been able to find someone who can hold this type of space for what I need to accomplish. This interaction would be void of me having boundaries and opening in complete trust. I have had one conversation where a dear friend held unconditionally loving space, and I am very grateful. She showed me it was indeed possible. As I processed this information, I realized I might need more than a person. I may need assistance differently than I have experienced to date.
Meditation, breathing techniques, and yoga have been my go-to practice. They have opened the door to journeying, removing layers, and integrated my parts and pieces. This practice is the long game; it has taken me years to slowly with ease and grace work through the distortions and discords, creating the perceptions of the illusion of separation. I have known others to partake in outside substances that provide a breakthrough, which is a short cut and perfect for them, I have never ventured here. I experienced the same visions and insights over more extended periods and am grateful for the long journey. Yet, I realize I may need more.
In a moment of reflection, I considered ayahuasca and investigated what is available as far as retreats. Then it came to me; all I need to do for now is call in the spirit of the divine mother to work with me. If I have been able to experience the very same visons as those who take these medicines through meditation, why wouldn’t I be able to experience this plant medicine via intention? This past April, I took a workshop hoping to learn something I had desired to know since I was exposed to it more than ten years prior. However, I quickly discovered that through intention and meditation, all of the information had already been made available to me since my first interaction with it. I already know everything is within, and I mean EVERYTHING is inside of me, the fractal nature of the universe. All I need to do is access it. And so last night I began what will be a long journey. I called in Mother Ayahuasca.
My journey began as I was flying above an area of trees; all I could see was the treetops from far above. At first, I was flying in what felt and looked like a red hang glider, but then I became some sort of bird. I transitioned through a kaleidoscope of colors and saw a snake slithering toward me. Immediately this huge snake consumed me from my head down to my feet. Once inside, the scene transitioned to three darker-skinned people, adorned in clothing that was deep blues with headdresses made of red, blue, white, and green beads that wrapped and dangled. I could not see their faces. Suddenly I began seeing the pattern of a jaguar; it was in blue, orange, and green hues. It was as if I was traveling over a terrain made of this jaguar fur. I never saw beyond the coat, and my journey ended for the evening. Or so I thought.
This divine spirit continued to work on me all night through lucid dreams. She was inside my body moving things and removing layers. Showing me what I was previously unable to see. I was covered in sweat and could feel the changes. She communicated the process through many visuals and gave many details related to ancestral trauma and energies stored at the cellular level. I could literally feel the oscillation with my body’s cells. And so, a NEW journey has begun—a journey into expansion through new experiences as a result of my recent contraction and full embodiment. Everything I need is always accessible; no travel needed; all I need is to set the intention and know it is so. I have entered a journey into new realms of consciousness. And without judgment, only with pure love and compassion, I allow on the other side of the contraction.