Everything has its place in life. With every belief and choice, we are opening the door to the next experience. The question is, can you trust and allow by living in the moment, allowing the flow? More around control continued to surface as the eclipse past. It always shows me what is hidden at greater depth, allowing me the choice to choose something new.
I saw where my anger began as a small child. The anger started at this space of threatening, and as a result, the experience of the detachment from my authentic self occurred. The next forty years of my life would be stewed in chaos or anxiety as a result of that change in frequency. Every decision in life was based on the illusion of control, either me having control or the perceived control others had over me. This last week I finally received the message, stop fighting something that does not exist, and allow through trust!
Yes, anger is a healthy emotion, but I experienced it as chaos. Anything in chaos produced more anger as I perceived a threat. Anger was my first moment of perceived separation; this is when I chose to live from the outside in rather than the inside out. I created my self-image based on how others perceived me, pulling the frequencies that were not my own into me. These last weeks I noticed the echo of that long-held practice. I stood firm in my core frequency, a frequency that is my core self I had only returned to and discovered fully this year of 2020. I finally began the shift away from these outside energies of chaos last July when I declared my freedom from them, and I began a long journey into discovering peace. As anger would show itself when the peace I had cultivated in my life was threatened, aware of it, I chose to remain firm in my authenticity and embraced compassion. I loved the anger, and it showed me more of self. I finally recognized that anger was a response to a perceived threat based on the illusion of control. And suddenly I realized so much more!
A few weeks back, I saw a class I had explored taking outside of the college where I am a student was coming up on the schedule. When I looked at taking the class, I allowed the fear of not being capable enough to deter my choice. I was shown many reasons why it would be better for me to take this class outside of my registered classes, yet I chose out of fear of not being enough to do so through my college. So I allowed the class to be scheduled, and I began the course. My guidance kept telling me to drop the course, but I did not listen at first. Finally, I called my advisor and inquired about withdrawing from the course. The advisor gave me certain information that guided me towards withdrawing from the course. However, the next day I received additional information that angered me; it did not match the first conversation. YET, I would NOT have made the choice I made. In my need for control, I was upset by the false information and believed I would suffer, which triggered anger. It felt the anger ever so slightly, like an echo. But then I remembered that EVERYTHING is taking me exactly where I need to go. When I make choices in love and compassion, not out of fear, I am in the flow. I trusted that the information I received the day before was WHAT I NEEDED TO HEAR! And as I embraced this experience with love and compassion by releasing the illusion of control, everything shifted.
The next day, I began my newly scheduled class, which I can already tell I will enjoy. I was reminded to let go of control around money, and the amount I was told I would owe due to withdrawing from the class late in the first week balanced itself out to zero rather than the hundreds I was told I would owe. I received what I needed by letting go of the illusion of control by having compassion for and understanding my anger. The other areas where I was experiencing irritation disappeared as I realized myself through this experience. MY ANGER WAS THE MESSENGER. It showed up to show me where I was still participating in the illusion in agreement with something or someone having control over me, taking me into an experience of chaos out of the natural flow.
A few weeks ago, I shared my visions of the sorcerers stone. And in that vision it said, order out of chaos, from the micro to macro. This prophetic vision is what I am experiencing. I get exactly what I need at the moment I need it, and through trust, which is a complete release of the illusion of control, I allow myself to experience more of the peace and bliss I desire. My resistance feels like the pigeon in the “Don’t Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus” books. My larger aspects know exactly what they are doing, I am just here for the ride! It’s in the illusion of control that creates another illusion, the struggle, and it is all my creation in choice.