I am experiencing some strange energies changes, and yet I recognize them. They are the very same energies from last summer. I have a sudden disinterest in many things. And perhaps the lesson is to learn to surf the energy to observe without reacting. I had been feeling it ever so slightly, and it was representative in some of my choices to read books that would keep me grounded in science. The interconnectedness of our wholeness has moved front and center to be seen and recognized. The past week I have been filtering old science teachings and somehow integrating them through what has been termed the spiritual. As with everything else, it the same thing with many different labels.
Yesterday I sent an email to a dear friend sharing my recent book and the book I would read next. I enjoy sharing; we never know what doors will open when we share. After I sent the email and I went back to listen to more of the “science,” it felt uncomfortable. So, I thought of moving to the next book on my list, and the same happened. I was interested in it for only a few minutes into it, and it felt out of sync and uncomfortable again. So naturally, I turned it off. I am highly sensitive to energy and honor what I am feeling and seeing. The ability to turn things off and walk away to observe or even regroup without feeling guilt or shame has been long-time refining of the practice of trust and allowing.
The message is not that something is not good for me ever; it just is not what I need right now. Through open observation, allowing, and new choices, I shift my frequency. After I shift, I opened the door to new experiences. In doing this, I see things from a whole new level. But for this to happen, I must go through this shift yet again. It feels as though my life has been a series of shifts, and it has. They are usually subtle, but this shift, the same energy I am feeling from last year, is here to reveal. It helps us to see what we have been programmed to believe is the “right” way to do things.
Last year it showed itself to me when I had a person whom I considered a friend say she had a message from her guides for me. They said to stop whoring myself out, to stop giving information freely to others as they are on their path into expansion. I had trusted the information from my “friends,” but more and more, I observed the ego was filtering the messages. Our guides do not say things like that. They do not judge what you do; they will assist you when asking, but do not judge you. They are here to provide unconditional support, the path eventually always takes you to where you need to go, the question is, you want easy or hard, gentle with ease or fast and furious change. The second I questioned this energy. I had accepted and allowed this energy in my life for fear of abandonment, and it was if I saw this energy for the first time. I saw how it was throughout my life in many relationships, and it had shown itself subtly to this point, but now it was loud and could no longer be ignored by me. And that realization shifted my energy. The change in energy made me no longer in alignment with what I had accepted as truth, and a breakdown of it and detachment from it began as an ending of its activity in my life occurred. As I shifted, I needed to pull all my energy into myself to climb to the next rung, or to go through the integration, or to make this huge shift; whatever you would like to label it as.
I would not have allowed myself to do this many years ago. Blame, shame, and guilt would have kept me as a prisoner, not allowing me to see past the pain of these discordant energies. It appears I may be going through another one of these deep changes or shifting of energies. It is all happening within; this is the sudden shift that brings more through my willingness to allow and making new choices. I am feeling uninterested in anything I usually find joy and bliss in. This is showing another great shift is upon me.
How will this shift look this year? I am uncertain, only that it is here, the energy is upon me. I know that last year it began by declaring my freedom from these old narcissistic co-dependent, victim aggressor energies. Though the shift began as soon as I recognized the old energy, the declaration of freedom shifted EVERYTHING. And what might have appeared as a loss or breakdown was a recalibration that took me high above (in bliss) anything I had ever experienced to date.
At the same time, my supporting energies remained. The support I had created over the years stood by me unconditionally while EVERYTHING else fell away. As I recalibrated, that is what it really is a recalibration of energies; I had all the love and support I needed. It was time to love myself on a whole new level last year, to find my authenticity and hold onto with a deep trust, even if I stood alone. I am feeling and observing these energies coming in again to try to instill energies that attempt to make us question our authentic self, to bring our focus outside of ourselves in more than what is happening already in the world. So if the outside is distracting you, you have not ridden the wildest ride yet! Something more is revving up for the moment when we recognize what we have assumed as truth is not. This will impact each of us in different ways. For me, I know my reality is created from within, so this is where I focus. My immediate sphere is determined by my internal state of being.
I struggled with forgiveness last year. Forgiveness of the betrayal I experienced when those who said they would hold unconditionally loving space did not. But I forgave them and, in doing so, forgave myself because it is no one’s fault. We are all only doing what we know. We are only following the program, playing the game. The question is, do we want bliss, joy, and love as the experience; I know that is what I prefer. To be aware and open to see what is being shown assists in the choices we make that move us closer to these experiences. I trusted again.
So even though I have been painting for a year and a half, loving it, I am no longer interested, and it is okay. And even though I just emailed a friend about a book, I will not read, “right now,” it is alright. AND even though I have a day of a workshop I have already paid for, I probably will not attend, it is all right. A dear friend of mine posts music every day on her blog, yesterday, she posted the Gambler by Kenny Rogers. Only the day prior, my husband and I were discussing this energy I had been feeling. At that time, it was showing up in me not feeling the call to participate in a workshop of which was an extension of one I had participated in April. I began singing this VERY SONG, the one she would post the next day!
This is what happens when we are in alignment, and we trust ourselves; the communication and confirmation of choices show up everywhere.
“You gotta know when to hold em, know when to fold em, know when to walk away, know when to run! You never count your money when you’re sitting at the table; there is time enough for counting when the dealings done!” ~ Kenny Rogers, who looks A LOT like my DAD! Coincidence? I THINK NOT!