I began writing this blog around the winter Solstice of 2019. Before that, I had taken a year to go within and shift some old belief patterns and significantly heal the complex PTSD lens with which I viewed the world. Those first years of life had created a situation where I had detached from my authenticity. Once the frequency of abandonment and betrayal were embodied, the many years that followed kept me within these frequencies, continually aligning to experience that was a match. And even during my awakened years, while continually seeking what I believed I could find outside of myself, I carried the shame of my wounds. In 2019 I was shown the relationship I had with these experiences and how the judgment of experience kept me in separation. Suddenly I opened to love my wounds, to treat my experiences with compassion. Each emotion allowed to have its place felt and integrated. When observed and processed with compassion, the frequency shifted and was recognized, realized, and integrated into the whole.
This year to date has been about attaching to and embodying the authentic self, not only the small self but the whole multidimensional being that I AM, an experience no longer dual and separate in nature but the oneness of the all. I continue to flow as the observer of consciousness and experience from a whole new perspective. December Solstice began the journey, and if you go back and read my blog over the months, you will recognize this journey into wholeness and pure embodiment. The transformation, really a realization of what always was and will be, took me on this journey to discover the true multidimensional self. My journeys had me first walking towards a crystal city surrounded by blue DNA from sky to ground. Later I would become the crystal city, and as I followed the breadcrumbs, they would lead me to each place, interaction, and communication needed for me to step into and embody my true crystal nature.
In reflection, I know I never would have been able to embody this light without loving, shifting, and integrating the energies of abandonment, betrayal, and shame while establishing the frequency of pure self-love and trust. And as each experience gave me a choice and the choice is made, it continued and continues to take me into new experiences of my being. I have finally entered this state of being where time is experienced differently. My interest in spreading information or receiving validation has fallen away. I am flowing in the light of who I AM, in the space of pure allowing. As this new frequency shifts my experience, so does my realization of it. I remember exactly who and what I AM. In this experience of now, I embody complete trust and allowing. The love that I AM flows and creates without judgment, but in the frequency of the Christ consciousness.
All of the pieces of the puzzle are now realized and integrated. Many years ago, in a “life between life” journey, I communicated with blue beings, who have always been present. These beings who I called the Acturians communicated they were working from the outside of our realm, assisting in raising our frequency. Several journeys took me closer to communications with these beings until I discovered I was one. Not in the way that we think of an identity one might carry here in this 3D realm, but as consciousness expressing and experiencing, a piece of my soul creation is also experiencing through that expression of the Acturian. I carry this DNA, and as it was activated and expressed, I began to move towards the embodiment of the crystal city.
In a recent journey, I continued to see pyramids that I felt were not complete, like something was missing was present in the meditations. I was shown my incarnation from the point of choice to enter this 3D realm and where the frequency of shame and unworthiness began. I was shown how my beliefs and fears carried in a frequency from lifetime to lifetime, across time and space within this 3D realm, created my experiences through alignment to matching frequencies to experience realities. At the same time, I was shown how to alchemize these fears, this unworthiness, and the shame. It, too, is of source creation, it is only my judgment of it that keeps me creating within this frequency. Once I allow, without judgment, and love the experience, honoring the source of all, it is alchemized. And once I stepped fully into this frequency of love and trust, I became the piece that had been missing on the top of the pyramid; I became the diamond.
As the light shot into the sky, I became the pyramid, a transmitter of frequency. I grew into a giant blue crystalized buddha. Suddenly I was taken to a higher frequency where there were many different colored singing bowls, representing many frequencies. I became fully immersed in the crystal indigo light. And so, I have experienced a new sense of wholeness and connection. I am flowing, but without a destination, only allowing. And this feels just right. I will add this has NEVER been my experienced state in this incarnation. Through the willingness to fully love without any judgment or expectation, I have opened the door to who and what I have always been and will always be. Suddenly I realize myself and know through feeling and experiencing in the heart, in perfect balance. And even when I begin to purge a level of density, I understand the judgment of my feeling is not necessary; it is all love. The judgment and shame have always been the prison. I celebrate what is the bottom of the wave, embracing and loving the highs and lows of the journey.
My current expression is one of creation; I am crafting with my children, and in an open state of being. My interactions with everyone in my sphere of reality have shifted, what is important, where I put my energy is now flowing in a different direction. A direction of communication through painting is here upon me with a knowing that this is just one of my manys keys. I embrace the chameleon energy as my power. I am experiencing through many new expressions of consciousness that were always available but unknown. They have stepped into the known through me. I have come, I AM love, I AM the all, I AM FREE!
And so, the next Chapter begins…