The last few days have opened the door for a depth of exploration and understanding to the core and as ALWAYS taking me exactly where I need to go—beginning with a friend, Darrell Leakey, who is continuously supportive of my blog. I didn’t know much about Darrell only that his energy, even from the other side of the world, resonated with me. Just in the few words we had exchanged via text, I felt that he was a part of my tribe, a wave of volunteers who have come to awaken humanity. And as usual, my larger self would make sure we would cross paths to set up the defining moments, assisting in the conformation I would require in recognizing the path that was taking me closer to the destiny I have been building all these years. Each piece has been so precise, removing layer after layer of belief and agreement through experience, taking me closer to my divine expression.
I will tell the story of Darrell a little later. Still, first, another piece, a few years ago, a client of mine introduced a YouTube channel called Namaste Today to one of the private Facebook groups I offered as a part of a group connection platform to my clients. It was a weekly video forecasting the astrological alignments and the experiences each sign would encounter that week. I immediately subscribed to the channel and shared the videos weekly. Over time I was amazed by not just his accuracy but his energy. Christopher Witeki has an energy unlike any other I had encountered, and I could not tap into it to understand it further at the time. While I could see his amazing divinity, there are typically other energies within a person I use to understand who they are that were not available to me at the time. His distinct step system created to apply astrology perspectives to our unique astrological charts adding to understanding ourselves and what to expect with pinpoint accuracy, was intriguing at the least. So, I subscribed to his application Sirius Joy only months later.
About a year later, I suddenly was thrust into a situation that would have me see myself, my relationships, and environments from a whole new perspective. A sudden discovery of the reflection of the self into my reality was understood at a greater depth. At the same time, many belief systems that continued to distort my creation moved front and center. I quickly recognized that shame, blame, and guilt through a programed judgment of our emotions were keeping us from openly discussing what we were feeling. These belief systems, all saturated in judgment and polarity, were keeping us from expressing and experiencing our divinity. We were each the ones creating the reflection into our reality because it existed in what we believed about ourselves. This awareness meant me and how I saw so much judgment in others because I judged myself so harshly. I would need to shift this belief and the energy around it to see that change in my reality. And so, I learned to love my wounds and love myself while continuing to march forward as I have always done. I had always found my way through meditation and intellectually understanding what I see as frequency and the structures that represent this reality matrix. My constant knowing was through what I observed I was being shown in the layers of belief and agreements that we will shed until we returned to our undistorted divine expression and experience. But what I had always removed was feeling; to me, it was mere data, and while emotion was a messenger, it was something that kept me hostage. So, by removing the feeling, I could maneuver my way through the data and take pieces out and put pieces in without the feeling. This is how I have learned to cope by being a master of intellect and open to receiving from my guides.
I am an open, authentic book, I share exactly what I am experiencing and thinking freely, but what I do not allow myself to do is to feel freely. Every time I have opened and allowed what feels like an abyss of pain to begin to flow, I automatically feel the need to pull it back and stuff it down. And the times I did trust enough to open and share what I was feeling, I was betrayed by the projections and judgments of others. It was communicated time and time again, that there was something wrong with me, that I should be ashamed of myself, and that I am wounded and should be avoided. This betrayal was a repetitive experience and taught me it was not safe to feel, and if I could remove emotion altogether, I would be better off. It was clear that I could trust no one to ever accept me for me.
I could not understand how every time I spoke, what I said and what people heard were always two different things. There was a constant repulsion to my completely open and loving energy with an endless projection onto me from the insecurities of others. And while I had learned to love myself more over the years and had manifested a few key relationships that supported my growth and expansion, for the most part, the rest for the world was just not capable of relating to me. I continued to internalize this and struggled with loneliness and had days where I questioned if there was something wrong with me. I felt like the alien on a planet of savages and simply did not understand. I had my husband and youngest children, a few distant friends, and that was all.
Over the last year, I have done tremendous work in reconnecting to my authenticity. I had disconnected my authentic self in childhood as a need for survival. I have learned who I am and began to stand more robust than ever in my knowing, regardless of those surrounding me. In time, I began to see some shifts in my reality. The more I changed the way I responded, and my internal state of being, the more my reality began to shift. My perspectives expanded, and I began to view the world from a neutral state where only I decided the meaning of my experiences. However, I recently began to vacillate in my knowing the last week. My strength on Tuesday through Thursday had begun to turn to depression. I combatted the idea that there was something wrong with me while the loneliness and my disease of not-enough-ness began to surface again. All the despair I had experienced last year came to the surface, and I suddenly felt like I had no direction despite the knowing I was making more choices to continue to follow my passion. Even then, I continued to have a secure connection with my collective guides, and as ALWAYS, they kept me afloat, literally, while they arranged for a lifeboat to be thrown my way.
In January, Christopher Witeki mentioned he was opening his schedule for readings. I had entertained it before, but when he did, there were limited openings, and the price was so high I rescinded. I had lots of readings with many readers, and all had left me with a recognition of the manipulation and co-dependent nature of the relationships being created. However, I felt like I should get a reading from him; my guides were clear. It was my stubborn leader who would not resign. I had been following his Sirius Joy application with great success as his daily pep talks, and videos confirmed what my guides were already communicating. He was in alignment with my frequency. So I scheduled a session in February. Over the months, I began to participate more, trust, and to come out of the shadows of which I had retreated to understand, love, and expand myself. That first act began a natural flow.
And so these last few days, as I shared my experiences and insight in my blog, my guides continued to communicate with me. I received support from some unanticipated places. As I explored that no matter what I am always taken care of, that I always have what I need, and my guides played the song don’t give up to me. Darrell Leaky shared a photograph in response to my blog on FB and the message he received with his creation. The second I saw it, I knew my larger self had my back, that she was in fact taking me right where I belonged. I asked Darell if I could share his work, and in preparing to do so, I read the bio on his website. EVERYTHING I had known to be true but was told I was wrong was represented in his words. His journey and celebration of each encounter without the desire to change one second of it reminded me of my own adventure. He truly is a kindred spirit and in touch in a way that I had not experienced in another human to date. Until the very next day!
I had my reading with Christopher Witeki. He was the very first person I have ever encountered who understood my energy and what it does to others. He recognized my gifts and did not fear them. If he was triggered, he honored and respected it without judgment and projection. My gift is being able to see the code of emotion, I have been able to separate it intellectually, but I have not allowed myself to feel it for some time. It is a power that triggers others to their core and brings up the layers buried within them. He confirmed my path, one I had not shared with others. A path where I am sharing with the world that it is okay to feel; there is nothing wrong with being wounded; it is our judgment of such things that keeps us, prisoners. As I continue to expand into this state, I will share it with the world. We will learn to love and honor our emotions without judgment of them. The relationships I traveled to date only took me closer to my gifts, and I am forever grateful for the pain that those relationships have caused me. It has allowed me to know myself and finally to have compassion for myself. It is safe and okay to feel, to nurture and continue on my path of self-love, authenticity, and compassion. I suddenly see the difference between the other readings and interactions of the past, where each person was fabricating their joy. Christopher Witeki showed me the path to Sirius Joy. Thank you, Christopher and Darrell, for following your guides, for knowing yourselves, for loving yourselves. Because of your authenticity, I have just leveled up!
Here is Darrell’s picture and notation.
“This is a symbol drawing I did the other day spontaneously allowing rather than having a set idea of what to draw. The small red figure with purple face is the earthly aspect/consciousness supported fully by the greater self/consciousness as we flow down the river. The red represents beginning energy with a purple face/vision. The higher self energies have more silver/feminine with a golden/masculine face. The green is the pregnant part light green representing New. the sun is the birth power and the orange rays represent the creative way in which they will be expressed. The four fir trees are mature trees. That is what I heard as I drew them representing the wisdom and maturity we have gained and are ready to apply to this new creation. The higher self aspect is floating down the river representing that the greater part of us has this and is assisting us. trust and surrender is what I feel in this. We have been preparing for this birth and to let go in trust in yourself and your connection to the greater unfoldment that is occuring.” ~ Darrell Leakey, his website where he creates beautiful pieces of art is