As I move toward the New Quantum Moon tomorrow, I feel a final release of the karma that I carry through many incarnations. It is a frequency that I have allowed myself to feel and remain for most of my life here. These last few months have shown me different perspectives of this frequency, how I feel, what is triggered in me that causes it, and how I respond to it. Finally, through a willing awareness and some outside help, I am in the final shift and release it for good. In doing so, I feel a quantum shift within my being, and wow, does it feel good!
The last week I have begun exploring relationships outside of my home. After more than six months of isolation, I felt it was time to open and move into my fears outside of the psyche. The truth is these last few years I had experiences that triggered my PTSD over and over again until I could take no more. These experiences were through relationships, trusting relationships where I perceived others as having some power over me as if they knew more or where better than me in some way. No doubt this is a learned self-concept through a lifetime of abuse. But these last years it was finally ready to show itself in its entirety with all of its roots and growths to be released. It manifested itself through an experience of trust and betrayal that has repeated throughout many incarnations, this year triggering me to the core wound.
After months of inner work, I found myself ready to see the reflections of my work. In engaging with someone I consider a friend, she has been the only one who has held unconditional space for me aside from my husband this last year, an echo and showing of dissipating frequency revealed itself in its entirety. My friend has had no motives only pure love, she has never projected her wounds onto me, and for this, I am grateful. As I regained trust in another human, I allowed myself to experience outside of my created space of recovery and safety. This experience gave me the tools to release the wounded karmic frequency fully.
In conversations in the past, communication has always been a problem. It has been my perception that I exist in a state different from most of those around me. I typically take me some time to “get” to where they are. I will call this processing. In the past, I have allowed myself to feel less than or that something is wrong with me. Often, I am speaking about and seeing something completely different than the other person I am attempting to communicate with causing what I have perceived as issues; it certainly does not help the relationship. When I recognize I am not on the same page, which is typically through their reaction, it triggers this deep sense of pain, embarrassment, and distortion around not being enough, something being “wrong” with me, and a loss of value of who I am. Which it appears I didn’t have much to begin with, or it was taken from me at a very young age. I can agree that it was taken away from me. Whether I agreed to these experiences or not, my usual response is to run and hide! Leave, abandon ship, this “feeling” is so out of alignment I must getaway! Except not this time, this time, I was shown why I felt the way I did and how to restore my frequency. THANK YOU my Arcturian friends!
That will be a blog for a different day. But for now, I will share a piece of what I was shown. I am the mountain and the tree. I am whole and complete, and there is NOTHING wrong with me. A vision began to appear when I was in the midst of feeling the distortion and thoughts of abandonment crossed my mind. I was a tree whose roots began to grow into the top of a magnificent snow-capped mountain. As a tree, I became the size of the mountain with my roots extending to the middle of the earth reaching the roots of and touching other trees. The top of the tree shot up high above the mountain and bloomed the most spectacular pink and white cherry blossoms. The mountain represents my core essence, it is immovable, and I must trust that. However, I am also the tree; I sway with the wind and am continually growing through many cycles.
In my relationships in the past, I could never quite stand in my power and trust who I was regardless of communication. Each inability to bond and experience of betrayal further accentuated my old core distortion and further wounded me. This last year was a release of my unworthiness and the confidence I have had created within myself. It has been a return to my core essence and a final release and removal of the primary distortion that held me back from experiencing this reality the way I meant to. So, as the Quantum New Moon approaches, look at what is shown to you. Your reactions to others are likely about you and certainly NOT about them. The energy is here to support our evolution and transformation if we allow for it. What frequency will you discover and release, and what frequency will you discover and hold tight as we enter the next phase of our evolution?