Unexpected places of reflection

The universe is like a parent.  She will tell us to do something, attempting to give insight into choice and will get louder and louder until she has our attention.  For me, I have learned to listen, though it has taken practice and many years of pain and suffering.  Pain and suffering at my hand mind you, no one else.  And this realization has been the biggest gift of the universe. Because again, it is ALL about me.  My reality is always only a reflection of what I have going on within me and it shows up in unexpected ways.

I observe all my children with eyes of wonder.  What I have finally discovered is that they are brought into this world to teach us.  Though we believe we are teaching them, and we unknowingly are through our actions and choices.  On a constant repeat of creating frequencies that continue to shape the beliefs that support the reality we are currently seeing as the collective experience.  It is they who are here to teach us by reflecting back to us our beliefs that are a distortion of our true essence and desired reality.  As if the universe sends us this instruction set and says, “Okay, Charolette, one more time, from the beginning!” If we take a step back and look at ourselves, we can see what the universe is showing us.

I have five children; today I will share my experience with my eight-year-old Amaris.  Currently, I am aware of the universe’s communication through my interactions with her.  About a year and a half ago, I chose to homeschool Amaris.  The signals from the universe were getting louder and louder through the situations she was experiencing at the local public school.  My fear of not being good enough or capable of homeschooling allowed me to continue to make the choice to ignore the universe.  Additionally, my husband and I had no support to make this choice, everyone affirmed our insecurities and suggested it was a undesirable or poor choice. Eventually, after a few stressful and potentially life-altering incidences Amaris experienced while in the care of the school, we decided to face our fear, support or not and bring her home.  This choice immediately showed me things about my daughter that I was previously unaware of and opened the door for her to receive the personalized support she required. 

Reaching the milestone of having had taught my daughter to read was one of the most rewarding experiences I have had.  I had tangible results of providing someone the freedom to explore the world through reading, which allows for a depth of adventure with new eyes.  While a beautiful accomplishment, under this success was my driving force that may have damaged my daughter in the process.  I felt the need to meet deadlines and push her to excel, always focusing on what she was not doing correctly and not within the allotted time.  She was open to learning but at her own pace.  She is capable of understanding, comprehending, and excellent at decoding but in her way.  It is not fast-paced and does not meet the “standards” of the state testing requirements and results, but she is fully capable.  Often getting so upset that we had worked hard for days and weeks on end accomplishing so much only to have her fail had become exhausting, and I blamed her.  I was often downright angry when she would not perform well on tests.  My constant go, go, go, “come on, you know this,” made it even worse.   Finally, when she continued to not measure up to the testing requirements, I felt a tremendous sense of desperation and disappointment.  On the outside, I could have blamed her, but my awareness and ability to see showed me it was not because of her but because of me.  Her lack of success meant I was not doing my part in some way and that guess what, that I was not enough. My reactions to her, had nothing to do with her, but with me.

Enter the universe and her beauty.  Everything I had been working on as if it was a deficit within my daughter, is her original essence and beauty.  We considered taking her to get a formal diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder, as she has some of the quirks and signs of this diagnosis, to receive further support.  Upon further reflection I considered what would I choose to change besides my own behavior?  I certainly will not medicate her, telling her she isn’t enough or measuring up.  Would I say take this drug to change you into a more socially acceptable version of a child?  Hell no!  Most of the children I know who were medicated can not wait to turn eighteen so they could get off of medication and live life from their natural perspective. And of those children, they did successfully, all the while attempting to come to terms with who they are and learning to love and accept themselves despite what the world tried to mold them into. Amaris goes at her own pace, does things her way, and views the world through a unique lens and I need to recognize the beauty in it.  While it doesn’t “look” the way the state expects it to, it is perfect for her.  All along Amaris was teaching me how to slow down, how to do things my way, and how to trust myself.  She and children like her are here to break our box and the templates we have created as acceptable.  She reminds us that we do not need to measure up to anything.

After centuries of dividing and shaming those who are different as a curse rather than celebrating our uniqueness, we have created this multilayered distortion.  Our children are here to show us this reflection of distortion through their perfection.  There is a beauty in the way she does things and I am learning to love and respect that.  Amaris has allowed me to see my own anger and frustration, my insecurities and learned reactions to the world around me.  The universe speaks and shows me a choice through my daughter.  My children are my greatest teachers when I can hear and see what is revealed to me through them.  That means allowing my heart to guide me, opening my mind to the new, and telling my ego she is safe no matter what.  All the while, having the courage to face myself and the changes I need to make inside without blame, shame, or guilt. 

As the universe continues to call us, to show us our frequency by looking within, we begin to shift.  Our generationally learned tendency is to look at those around us as our stressors, “If only they would just do as I say, we would all get along much better,” we say.  We suggest our lives would be better if those around us would change or measure up.  Perhaps we could change the violence in the world or stop pollution.  But the truth is, and this is the science behind our reality where the rules are like attracts like.  Everything you are seeing and experiencing is because it exists within you.  So, stop pointing fingers and let go of that blame, shame, and guilt.  These are learned reactions and taught feelings; they were meant to keep us as prisoners from the beginning.  You are the savior of no one else but you.  And once you shift your frequency with honesty and love, you will change the reality surrounding you to match.  We have all the tools we need to create the reality and experiences we prefer. The universe is here to guide us if we choose to hear her.  And if we listen the first time she speaks, let me assure you, it is much more comfortable with a lot less pain.  So what is the universe communicating to you?  Chances are your most significant stressors on the outside are pointing to the distortion within you. 

Published by onefacet

I am consciousness experiencing. Exploring and journeying through this reality while always creating and living the best version of myself, the one I prefer.

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