This last week continues to show me exactly what needs to be seen. If we open our eyes, the universe will provide comprehensive guidance and always allows us the choice to take the next step. And it is a choice, often the universe shows us, and our ego is too fearful of allowing us to see. Even when we know, we are too afraid to make a choice. Most of us humans hate change; we get comfy. Even in a nightmare, we fear the unknown. There is the old saying the devil you know is better than the devil you don’t know. I say embrace the unknown. When the universe shows us something, go all in, all the time. We cannot go wrong, and damn is it a magical adventure! Like my dear friend says, “You cannot fuck it up!” Everything takes us to the next choice. Make it and see the change taking us exactly where we needed to go. Sometimes it feels like it is taking us somewhere that will be the end of us, but then something else happens. All that destruction births something new and amazing!
One thing that continues to show itself these last few weeks is the deep love of self we continue to cultivate. There has been a focus on the healing and thriving through and beyond narcissistic relationships. The universe has brought this to our awareness many times before and exposes this dynamic in layers.
My dance with the narcissistic dynamic finally ended, this my story. 2019 showed me precisely who these people were in my life and how to take the lessons they provided and expand beyond them. Even though I didn’t realize I needed to at the time. I felt like I was losing so much. But I felt this sudden jolt of what I thought was freedom. What is was, was a returning to myself, my divine essence with just one more veil removed, I returned to alignment.
I remind you this blog is not about any narcissist in particular, as if they are to blame. Truth is they are wounded and unconscious of it too. I am codependent and wounded also, but we had each processed this energy in different ways. The universe allows us to have these experiences to learn about ourselves. And even more importantly, our souls expand when we become aware of our part in the relationships and begin to look within. When we heal and grow beyond this dynamic, we achieve a choice point, and we evolve into the next level of “the game.”
The narcissist feeds off of the codependent and visa verse. The narcissist shows all that love and support we the codependent so desperately desire. This love and comfort are the trap; we feed off that love and support with our need for approval and use others to bolster our self-esteem and confidence. Then the narcissist tells us how we are not enough, and they begin their feeding process. They attempt to make us feel like we are not enough so we seek more of them and their guidance for approval. They have gained our trust and now will betray it. It won’t end with them; now they have already isolated us from our other friends and all outside support so they won’t lose us because we have nowhere else to go. And we will fall for and do it ALL. We only want love and support and will choose them every time. I have said this to one of my narcissists, “I will choose you every time.” I looked to them for complete approval because they were the complete opposite of me.
I chose to love and compassion everything and it only got me hurt. Where the narcissist decided to hold contempt, anger, and resentment, I felt like they were this depth of strength and power I was not. Through them, I would achieve what I believed was missing in my life until I looked within and saw my wounds. When I opened up and shared my wounds, my narcissist used them as a tool to hurt me. To touch my not-enoughness, the one core frequency that attracted them to me in the first place. They used my trust as a weapon and the cycle might repeat itself again. However, this time, I chose me instead of them.
I knew everything I needed was already here, and it was all within me. When I began to heal, just with this one choice, my energy shifted. This shift in frequency triggers the narcissists, and in an attempt to keep us, because in simple terms, we are their food, they attack even more attempting to trigger our wounds. But one day I stood up for myself and said, “No more!” I do not require outside validation, I no longer seek, and I love who I am no matter what anyone thinks.
The universe said to me in its all-knowingness, this healing is easy enough; do not seek approval, stand in your power, and love yourself fully. I have given you the narcissist to show you about you, and I have given you to them to teach them about them. Which one will heal and let go? Hopefully both! However, it rarely ends that way. When we begin to shift our energy, the narcissists will feel it immediately. They might start an argument with the attempt to bring us back into their fold. If we are ready to choose to heal and make the change, we will not oblige them. We will stand firm in the little piece of the self love the universe has thrown to us as a life jacket. The narcissist will even end their relationship with us and becoming a victim to our choices. They will rally against us, bringing anyone weak enough into their perspective. If we hold onto that life jacket of self-love, it will begin to grow into a raft. And we will start to sail away into the unknown.
I have had a lifetime of being a codependent and have had narcissists all around me. In this duality, we agree it is just the dynamic with which we must live. This belief does not have to be the case if we do not agree to it; we always have a choice. The universe is showing us the options in every minute. Go left instead of right. Say yes when your fear keeps you saying no. These are the bread crumbs of the universe. For me, the perfect classes showed up to teach me precisely what I needed on each page of the text. The next relationship allowed the space to grow. We disagreed and they stayed and listened. In this relationship, we both grow through disagreements and have communication that opens doors for us both. No longer feeding off of anyone, we begin to know what true self-love is and we begin our return to the divine state of alignment.
As we let go of these old relationship dynamics. Let us see what these relationships have taught us. Not the other person, no longer pointing out there. This reality is always a reflection of us. We are evolving into the next human form. It doesn’t look any different on the outside. But on the inside, there has been demolition and remodeling. We are experiencing reality from new perspectives and beginning to shift our frequencies creating the reality around us that we prefer, one where we live in joy and happiness. We make choices that allow for expansion and a leveling up as each individual reflects this love of self into the field. We begin to see the ripple of love expand beyond us. Soon enough, we will see the change in the collective. But it all starts here and now with us.
So without blaming, shaming, and guilting, look within. What changes need to occur within you? Face the fear and make a change towards self-love and integrity. Those who are no longer a match to that frequency will fall away. Your raft will turn into a yacht. And you will sail this life living the reality you dreamed of when you signed the contract to play this game on earth — the life you were born to live.